Why fundraise?

My two biggest boys stand giggling outside of the nursery.  I can hear them as I sing "You are my Sunshine" softly to Luke and then pray for him before laying him in his crib.  As I walk out of the room and shut the door behind me, John and Joseph stand, pajama-clad, barely able to contain their excitement.  In his hands, John holds a box.  I know it well.  It's the box he painstakingly made at the beach last summer, working long after his cousins had gotten bored and moved on to the next activity.  It's the box that holds his treasures: the shark tooth from the aquarium, his own baby tooth he lost a couple of weeks ago, tiny shells found on the beach, and his money.  Now, the boys grin and hold out the box to me.  At the same time, they say, "We have a present for you."  "What is it?" I reply.  "Open it.  It's for the adoption.  Will it help?"  I open the box and inside lies $3.06.  All the money my boys have to their names, combined.  Tears well, the words choke in my throat, and I whisper, "Yes, boys, this will help bring your sister home!"

Last summer, while we were in the early stages of praying about the possibility of adoption, a friend of mine asked a question that I feel I did a very poor job of answering.  At the time, he didn't know that adoption was on our hearts, yet he dropped this question in my lap: "What do you think about people fundraising for adoption?"  I paused, caught a little off guard, and replied, "I don't really have any problem with it.  I have had a couple friends that we have helped with their adoptions.  I feel like there are so many people who can't have kids and I'd love to be able to help them have the joy of having a family like we do."  My friend went on to explain that he was talking about families that are middle to upper middle class, who already have kids, yet are wanting to adopt.  Families that could take out loans, if they really felt they needed more kids.  The question seemed focus on fundraising (Why fundraise when you can pay for it yourself, even if it means going in to debt for a while?) with the underlying question of adoption after biological kids (Why adopt when you can have biological kids?  Isn't that being financially irresponsible?)  I fumbled, I faltered, and in the end, I didn't really know what to say.

At that point, my focus was still all wrong.  Yes, God was beginning to lay adoption on our hearts, but for some reason my focus was still so much on us and other parents who were adopting.  At that point, God had not yet opened my eyes to the need of kids around the world.  I was looking in the wrong direction - at myself, at my peers adopting, rather than at the child.  

Since that time, I have read the book, Adopted for Life, by Russell Moore, and God has taught me so much about adoption.  He's been showing me what He means in James 1:27 when He says, "Look after the orphans and widows in their distress."  The dictionary defines "distress" as "extreme anxiety, sorrow, or pain."  The children in need of adoption are exactly that.  They are anxious about what their life will look like today, tomorrow, next month, next year.  They are filled with sorrow at the loss of their parents, the lack of love, the absence of a family.  They carry the pain of rejection, abandonment, and often the scars from abuse.  It is not about us, our financial situation, and whether or not we already have biological kids.  It is about the child and caring for his needs.

If I had known then what I know now, I would have answered my friend so differently.  I would have told him that I whole heartily believe that fundraising for adoption is a good thing to do.  As Christians, God has given us this mandate to "look after orphans," but he has not called every family to adopt.  Still, there are so many that want to obey the Lord, to take part in changing a life for the better.  In opening an adoption to fundraising, a family is allowing others to be part of the journey.  The family is allowing others to take part in alleviating the distress of one orphan, to help fold one child into a family.  

Andrew and I are estimating the cost of our adoption from Bulgaria to be close to $30,000.  We feel very strongly that we need to be open and willing to using our savings toward the adoption.  Matthew 6:21 says, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  God has blessed us with a little "nest egg" in savings and has shown us that we don't need to hold tightly to the money we have.  Though it lends us a bit of security in serving as our "Emergency Fund," it doesn't belong to us, it belongs to Him.  So, we are more than willing to use our savings to help pay for this adoption.  Unfortunately, our savings will only make a small dent in the total cost.  While we could take out a loan to cover the remaining cost of the adoption, we feel that going into great debt without first fundraising would be doing ourselves, our friends, our family and complete strangers a disservice.  We want to give those around us the opportunity, if they so desire, to become part of our child's story.  We want to allow others to join with us in taking away the anxiety, the sorrow and the pain that our child has known thus far in her life, and replace it instead with joy.  

I believe that John and Joseph, in giving all the money they had, wanted nothing more than to make a difference.  They wanted to help, to be a part of the work we were doing to bring their sister home.  The joy, the excitement, and the selfless love that they showed in giving what money they had made me realize that by accepting money from others to help bring our girl home, we are not the only ones receiving a gift.  In humbly accepting, we are giving a gift to others:  the gift of allowing them to answer God's call to love, cherish, and alleviate the distress of His children, His orphans.   

If you are interested in partnering with us to bring our girl home, stay tuned to hear what fundraisers we have in store... 

Why Bulgaria? The longest post in the history of blogging...

Hi, friends!!  I apologize for the long absence!  I blinked, life happened, and a month was gone.  Yikes!   If you're new here, welcome!  This is a very lengthy post, but I'm sharing my heart.  So, settle the kiddos, grab a cup of coffee, and read on to learn how God led us to Bulgaria in this adoption journey...

God is really amazing!  Though nothing is hidden from God and He knows all things, in His infinite wisdom, He chooses not to let us see the big picture all at once.  In my need for control, I would absolutely love to see the big picture.  I would love to know what's next.  I would love to not feel the need to constantly question God about His intentions and our path.  But, God is patient and has provided a lamp unto our feet for every step of this journey.  He started by opening our eyes to the needs of kids around the world.  He laid adoption on our hearts and made it obvious that He was calling us to open our home to another child.  "Take a step," He said, "and trust."  We did.

As we began to research adoption, we were completely and utterly overwhelmed.  Where would we start?  How does one family choose one child to adopt among the sea of faces in need?  How do you say, "Yes" to one child when it means saying "No" to another?  But, God is faithful.  And, God is good.  He says, "For I know the plans I have for you…" (Jeremiah 29:11).  Still, we fumbled for light.  Domestic or International?  Public or Private?  Special needs or not?  Young or older?  Boy or girl?  The decisions and choices were overwhelming.

Then, one night, I "stumbled" upon the website for Reece's Rainbow, and felt a weight fall on my shoulders that hadn't been there before.  It was as though God was putting his hands on each shoulder and saying, "This is it.  Down Syndrome.  Take another step and trust."  And, so, we did.  Though it took some time to work through the doubts and questions, we trusted and we began to move.

There are so many kids right here in our own backyard who need homes that we logically turned to America first in search of a child with Down Syndrome.  In my research, I found good news and bad news.  First, the good news:  I found that in America, the need for families who desire to adopt a child with Down Syndrome is surprisingly being met.  There is actually a pool of people waiting to be matched with a child that fits their profile and would blend best with their family.  This thrills me to no end!  These children are wanted, desired, and loved!

But, as I dug deeper, I found a heart wrenching truth:  90% of children who are diagnosed with Down Syndrome while in the womb are aborted.  World-wide, that statistic is actually closer to 92%.  We condemn Hitler for the horrible things he did during the Holocaust (and rightly so!), while remaining silent as baby after baby is killed in the womb because they have an extra chromosome.  I have read the stories of moms who get this diagnosis while pregnant, and have much sympathy for them.  I have read their battles with the decision and, in their writing, I can hear their questions, doubts, and fears.  I feel for them, I really do, because they are blindsided with something that will change their lives forever.  But, I simply cannot understand the reasoning that this child will be better dead than he or she would be living with his or her disability.  Is no life better than a hard life?  Life. is. hard.  Disability or not.  These children do not deserve death simply because they are different.  It's genocide.  And doctors, geneticists, and mothers are allowing it to happen.  These babies have no voice, they are given no choice.  And, to me, that's just plain wrong.  And it hurts my heart.

We prayed, we talked, we researched, we thought, and little by little, God made us more and more comfortable with International Adoption.  We began to research the needs of children with Down Syndrome internationally and we were blown away by the stories we heard, the videos we watched, and the statistics we read.  God said, "This is where the need is, this is where I want you to go.  Take a step and trust."  And, so we did.

According to the research we've found on the internet, children in Eastern Europe who are born with Down Syndrome are almost always placed for adoption simply because it is such a social stigma to have a child with special needs.  The children are then kept in the orphanage for approximately 5 years.  If they are not adopted by their 5th birthday, they are moved to a mental institution and left there to die.  In the mental institution, they remain in their cribs day after day, year after year.  They are malnourished, poorly clothed, and are never loved, never hugged, never kissed.  They don't see the sun, feel it's warmth on their faces, or touch the soft grass beneath their feet.

There is great deal of information on the internet and I encourage you to search out the truth.  You can begin by reading this eye opening article about the conditions in the orphanages.  In the article, you will also see some amazing before and after pictures.  There is hope for these children, but the world needs to know that they exist and that there is a need.  Then, the world needs to take a stand to protect these little lives.

So, Eastern Europe seemed to be the place with the greatest need, but we still needed to either pick a child (via Reece's Rainbow) or pick a country.  We prayed, we talked and I fell in love with child after child as I looked at their pictures on the internet.  But, I never felt God saying, "This is the one.  This is your child."  So, I began to look more closely at the countries in Eastern Europe - Ukraine, Bulgaria, Romania, Armenia, etc.  I compared the cost of adopting from each place, the length of travel, the number of trips, and the process in general.  We finally settled on Bulgaria for the following reasons:

• It's a country that is party to the Hague Convention, meaning that there is more stability in the process for us and more procedures in place to protect the children who are being adopted.  
• We learned that we can complete the majority of our paperwork and have it all processed before being matched with a child.  There are two advantages to this:

1. Bulgaria will match us with a child rather than us looking at a sea of faces and "choosing."  Unless the Lord were to specifically say in a very clear voice, "This is your child," I was not comfortable making that decision.  I felt too guilty about all the children I would be saying, "No" to.  I would rather Bulgaria look at our paperwork and, with the providential help of the Lord, match us with the child they felt best fit our family.  
2. When we are referred (or matched) with our child, we will be able to GO.  That means we won't feel the stress (at least not as much) as we do all the paperwork that we would feel if our child were literally waiting for us.  It takes a lot of pressure off which, for me, is a very good thing.  So much of this process is out of my control and knowing that there is a little one, whose face I have seen, waiting on me would make me feel that much more out of control.

• The trips.  In some countries, the length of stay in the country can stretch very long.  I honestly can't imagine leaving our boys much longer than a week - two at the very most.  With the Bulgaria program, you do two visits (2 to 4 months apart).  They are each about a week to 10 days, including flights.  For us, this is so much more doable.  I am NOT looking forward to that 2 to 4 month wait period, but I understand the need for it.
• The cost…is a lot.  We're looking at $25,000 to $30,000.  When we originally started looking at Bulgaria, it looked like it would be $18,000 to $25,000.  So, that was a benefit because, as far as international adoption goes, that was on the lower end.  As we've gotten in to the process, we are realizing that realistically it will be more along the lines of the first figures above.  I won't lie - that part is SCARY.  But, we serve a GREAT God and we are depending on Him to provide through savings, grants, and fundraisers.  I'll talk more about those on another day!

So, after weighing all the facts, much discussion, and much, much prayer, we settled on Bulgaria.  In all honesty, for me, deciding on a country was probably the hardest decision thus far.  It simply wasn't as obvious as the decision to adopt or the decision to seek out a child with Down Syndrome.  There was no doubt that God was leading us to International Adoption, but which country in particular was unclear.  The Bible says in James 1:5, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him."  So, we asked God.  Then, through our weighing of the country options and through consideration of what would be best for our family and it's needs, God softly whispered, "Bulgaria.  Take a step and trust."