Finding Joy in the Journey

Joy.  It's been the theme of our adoption.  When we first talked to John, Joseph and Luke about the possibility of adopting, they were over the moon excited.  We then asked if they would like to adopt a girl or a boy.

"Girl!!!"  they shouted.  "We don't have any girls and we need one!!"

We went on to ask what we should name her, if we got a little girl.  Without hesitation, Joseph yelled, "JOY!"

And, so it began.  Everywhere I looked, I saw the word "joy."  In Bible passages, on signs, in the hymns we sang at church.  I even paid way too much money in an adoption fundraiser just to win a necklace that said, "Find JOY in the journey."  That phrase rang so true to me.  I was striving to find joy in the waiting, in the paperwork, in the lack of control...in the journey.  But, I was also striving to find our baby girl...our Joy.

Throughout the adoption process we would periodically talk about names.  The conversation usually consisted of me saying, "What should we name our little girl?"  Then, after a bit of eye rolling that the topic had arisen once again, Andrew almost always replied, "We'll know when we see her face."

When we received our referral, we were able to see our little girl's Bulgarian name.  It's a different name and not one I have ever seen before.  I soon learned that it was given to her by her birth mother.  Her birth mother wasn't able to give her anything but her name.  In what I am sure was a very hard and painful decision, she and her husband released their rights to their child.  We have learned that throughout these last 3 years, she has remained in contact with our little one, which tells me she loves her very much.  We wanted to keep her Bulgarian name in some way, even if we needed to "spin" it a little to better fit our tastes.

Thankfully, I have wonderfully smart husband who, true to his word, knew her name after he saw her face.  He came up with our baby girl's first name which is similar to her Bulgarian name.  At the same time, I learned that one of my very favorite names actually means "joy" and "song of happiness!"  We put the two together and they married beautifully!  Our daughter's name will be...

Sadie Caroline Shoger

Doesn't "Sadie" just fit this sweet, but spunky, girl?!      

Our God Moves Mountains!

There are so many times in life when God doesn't work the way I want Him to.  I think I know best.  In thinking that I am wise, I - whether inadvertently or on purpose - doubt God's sovereignty.  Over the past three weeks, God has revealed so much of my heart to me and shown me just how selfish I really am.  I want what I want and, when I don't get what I want, I throw a fit of self pity and anger.

But, God - He sees the bigger picture.  He knows what is best for me, just as He does for all His children, and He works so hard for the good of those that love Him.  But, I forget that.  I forget that when He throws things our way that aren't in the "plan," He is working out of His love for me.  He is working out of His love for all of His children.

Three weeks ago we received that for which we've been waiting for so long now - a referral!  With trembling hands and a pounding heart, we listened as our referral was described to us.  And, our joy and excitement quickly turned to disappointment.

She wasn't what we wanted.  She was almost three.  She could walk and talk, run and climb.  She wasn't a baby that we could snuggle and watch grow - see those first steps and take delight in hearing her first words.

And then, within an hour, we saw listed a child that WAS what we wanted.  A barely 1 year old baby girl with DS.  But, we couldn't get her.  She was with a different agency.  It wasn't as simple as swapping one child's file for another.  It was complicated.  We had questions and no answers.  Confusion, sadness and guilt filled our hearts.  For several days, we grieved.

Do you see?  Do you see the selfishness in our hearts?  An almost three year old needed a family and God, in His love for her, had placed her in our path not once, but twice.  It was this same child that 5 months earlier had been presented to us by our adoption agency as a child that we could pursue, if we felt so led.  At the time, we viewed her paperwork, pictures and videos and decided not to pursue because of her age.  We wanted a baby.  We wanted to stay within birth order.  We didn't feel peace.

Over the course of the last 3 weeks, God has given us grace.  Not only in showing us the ugliness of our hearts, but also in giving us the gift of peace.  He allowed peace to flood over our hearts as we watched new videos and looked at new pictures of our sweet little referral.  He moved mountains within our hearts and laid a path to love where the mountains once stood.  He open our eyes to really see this child and see her need for a family and our need for her.

At the same time this was going on with our adoption, God wisely put a little 3 year old into our lives to love on during the day to show us that a 3 year old blends beautifully into our family.  As she snuggled into my lap day after day, as she and Luke fell out with giggles at the lunch table, as the boys chased her around the backyard, God showed me how beautifully out of birth order can work.  In His wisdom, He took a little girl who needed day care and used her mightily to show us His will.

So, because of His loving grace, our sadness has turned to great JOY.  It is with hearts full of love, gratitude and peace that we introduce to you the child we intend to adopt!!  She is spunky, sweet, and beautifully made in the image of God!

She is bright, curious, and (much like Luke) into EVERYTHING!

She has the sweetest cheeks that I just can't wait to kiss!!

She's got determination and a strong will.  In other words, she's a Shoger!

We will meet this sweet little love on December 15th!!  Our cup runneth over with joy, excitement, and nervous anticipation!  Stayed tuned - we have a name picked out for our daughter and can't wait to share it with you!  

"Father to the fatherless, defender of widows—

this is God, whose dwelling is holy.

God places the lonely in families;

he sets the prisoners free and gives them JOY."

Psalm 68: 5-6 (NSV)