Saying Good-bye...

We did it.  We made it through what I thought would be the impossible and we survived.  Maybe it's knowing that we are leaving Sadie in the loving arms of this beautiful woman.  

Maybe it's the thought that I have so much to do to prepare myself, my home, and my other children for the day when she enters our lives for good.  Maybe it's knowing that taking the time now to do those preparations will better help her adjust to our family in the long run.  While these are all true, I know the ultimate reason we made it through this day was that the Lord was with us.  He was walking beside us just as He has every step of this faith-filled journey and I am so very grateful.

Today, we had less than two hours with our girl.  In that 2 hours, Sadie made a wonderful new discovery - her Daddy makes a GREAT jungle gym!  It started out as a game of peek-a-boo, with her hiding behind his back and him trying to find her.  Slowly, she pushed him forward and he over-dramatically fell.  A new game!  After several repeats, she decided it was time to fall on top of him and then...climb aboard!  As I've watched Andrew with Sadie over the past 5 days, my heart has fallen in love with this man all over again.  He is a good daddy.  A good, good daddy who is already over the moon for this little girl.  God has so blessed me in giving me this amazing man!

I measured Sadie with a measuring tape to be able to figure out her size when we get home, I colored with her, I let her rummage through my purse, and I stole all the extra kisses she would allow.  I held the tears at bay as long as I could.  I did okay.

And, then they said it was time to pack up and drive her back to her house.  They let me dress her in her over suit and put on her boots.  They let me carry her down the stairs and into the car.  My throat burned but, I held it together.  

And, then we drove up to her house and unloaded.  We walked her inside and the tears began to fall.  She seemed to know what was happening.  She stuck out her bottom lip, reached for me, gave me a hug, then turned back and hugged her Baba.  She gave Andrew love and kept blowing us kisses.  She waved as we drove away.  

A piece of my heart is being left here in Bulgaria and I know it won't be whole for many, many months.  If I seem scatter-brained, or snap too easily, or wipe tears from my eyes a lot over the next few months, please forgive me.  My emotions are high and my heart has been forever changed.  But, I rest in the knowledge that those first steps away from her were actually the first steps toward walking back to her, that God loves her dearly and will watch over her until we return, and that soon she will be with us forevermore.  So long for now, sweet Sadie girl.  Mommy loves you forever and ever and always!

Day 4 - Prepare for picture overload!

Today was a good day, but Sadie was more tired than she has been the past few days.  I keep thinking about what a hard week this must be for her, yet she is taking it all in stride.  She's being forced to interact with strange people day after day for 4 hours at a time.  She has 7 to 8 adults starring at her, just watching and waiting to see what she will do.  There is stimulation all around with people handing her toys, telling her to sing and dance, and showing her things.  It's obvious that she feels like she is having a perform day after day and that is exhausting for a two year old.  Almost all of our time with her has been spent in a tiny little room crammed with too many people and today you could tell she was over it.  We ended up taking a walk in a pretty park area, which was a wonderful change of scenery and allowed for some sweet photos.  We ate lunch with her again as well.  It's been really helpful watching her eat and learning some tricks that help her get down the food.  She is eating in much the same way our other kids did at about 1 year old, but I really think she's capable of much more and will learn quickly to feed herself once we're home and she's had a bit of therapy.  

The biggest blessing of today was that I was able to see photos of Sadie growing up!  The foster mom brought Sadie's baby pictures, pictures of her at the orphanage during the first year, and pictures of her during the past year that she's been with "Baba".  Y'all what a cute, sweet baby she was!  How my heart aches that I wasn't able to hold her during that time, but how thankful I am to see that she was very well cared for.  There are pictures of birthday and Easter celebrations, pictures of her and her foster mom, and so much more.  We are going to be allowed to keep those pictures once we come back on the second trip to pick her up.  I am so thankful!!  

And, now, I'll let the pictures tell you about our time together!

Mama's jacket is way cooler than her own! 

Seriously guys?  Another picture?

That face!  That hat!  I die! 

Sadie LOVES phones and is always pretending like she is talking on one!

I believe this is my favorite picture of the whole day!

I have a feeling there is going to be a lot more singing and dancing happening once Sadie comes home!

Daddy is whistling his girl a tune!

First family photo!!

Days 2 and 3...

The past two days have been so very good!  There have been so many moments where Sadie has made us laugh and so many sweet moments that I will cherish forever.  The moment when she ran into my arms for the first time, initiating affection on her own.  The moment when she sang "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" all the way through, doing the motions perfectly (even making a diamond with her chubby little fingers).  The moment when she heard me say, "Uh-oh..." and she responded, "Uh-oh!"  The moment when she turned from sitting in her Daddy's lap to face him so that she could wrap her arms around his neck and then lay her head on his shoulder.  She is funny, sweet, smart, and so very loving.  We have had so much fun getting to know her and watching her interact us and with those around her.

I've also really, really enjoyed seeing Sadie interact with her foster mom!  This woman is amazing!  She is like a grandmother to Sadie, who calls her "Baba", which is Bulgarian for "Grandmother."  She loves Sadie so much and it shows in the way she holds her, loves on her, kisses her and laughs at her. She is so gentle and kind.  And, Sadie loves her back which shows in the way that she looks to her for comfort when she is scared, falls asleep on her chest on the drive home each day, and runs to her often.  Over the past year when we have prayed for our baby girl (even before we knew who she would be), we almost always closed our prayer with "and send someone to love on her tonight."  God answered that prayer in such a powerful way!  It's going to be hard for Sadie to say good-bye to her Baba and I know that there will be a period of mourning for both of them, but I am so thankful to this woman for teaching Sadie what it means to love and be loved.  She has given a gift of intrinsic value and it is one that will help Sadie to adjust and attach to us more easily once she is home.  This knowledge and getting to see it first hand blesses my heart so!

Thank you all for your kind words, your prayers, your love and support that you have given us thus far this week.  We feel blessed beyond measure by all of you!  We have officially accepted Sadie's referral and the first paperwork has been sent off for our second stage dossier!  Let the paper race begin!

Meeting Sadie...the first day!

To say the last two days have been an emotional roller coaster would be an understatement!  The anticipation, the nerves, the excitement that the day had finally arrived.  The climatic moment yesterday morning when we walked in the room that held 4 social workers, the foster mom, and...Sadie.  I zoned in on her, only her.  I blocked out the others, sat down on the floor and started to play.  Andrew, in his sweet and wise way, took a seat in a chair off to the side of us and watched.  He told me later that he wanted to let us bond, to let us have our moment.  And, have it we did.  With Bulgarian floating in the air all around us, we played.  First with a stacking toy.  Then we drew.  Then we rolled balls around on floor.  When the balls came in to play, Andrew got in on the action!  Sadie loved to watch Andrew bounce the ball, dribble it, and catch it in the air.  In a tiny room, filled with 8 adults and one little girl, our time together began.

Some things that we learned about her during that time were that she loves music, singing and LOVES to dance.  And, she's got rhythm!  We learned that she's a great imitator.  She mimicked me saying, "Hot!" and she copied Andrew when he made funny clicking noises with his tongue.  We learned that she has a great arm and loves to kick.  She'll fit right in when she's in the yard with Luke and a ball!

The sweetest moment of the morning on Monday came when Andrew pulled out the iPad to show Sadie the videos we made of the boys introducing themselves.  He played the one of them saying, "Merry Christmas!  We can't wait for you to come home!" in front of the Christmas tree.  Immediately, Sadie started smiling, clapping, and blowing kisses to the screen!  It was amazing!  Love at first sight!  She then sat in Andrew's lap and made him show her the video clip over and over and over again!  The social workers and foster mom told us later that they had never seen her react in such a positive way to a video before!

After about an hour and a half of time together in the little room in the social worker's office, we all took a walk outside to a restaurant down the street.  They let me hold Sadie, all bundled up in her hat and coat, and I was able to steal my first kiss!  Those cheeks!  I finally got to kiss them!  We were able to watch her eat, although it wasn't much with all the excitement and distractions of the day going on around her.  As I watched, I realized that therapy is going to be needed to teach her how to chew and swallow properly.  She ate chicken noodle soup, but never chewed any of it and liked to hold it in her mouth way too long.  I also learned that she loves milk and drinking from a straw.  I learned that she doesn't sit still - EVER.  She wanders, checks out one thing and then moves on to the next.  Strangers don't phase her - she just hops up on the seat beside them, never mind that they aren't with us and have never met her.

Yesterday, we also learned that when Sadie gets tired she becomes more stubborn and ornery.  For a two year old, this doesn't come as a surprise.  I could see it in her eyes, in her disinterest in the food, in her refusal to listen.  It had been a big day.  Even a two year old with Down Syndrome knows when something huge is going on.  The foster mom strapped Sadie in her stroller and started rocking it back and forth.  She put two fingers in her mouth, and those sweet little eyes fluttered shut.

After lunch, our guide drove Sadie and her foster mom back to their house, and Andrew and I had the privilege of riding along.  Sadie sat in the backseat in my lap and I stole snuggles and kissed her cheeks whenever I could.  We dropped them off and she blew us kisses over and over again as we drove away.

Oh, the emotions.  The first visit couldn't have gone better!  But, as we drove away, the weight of the reality of what we are doing hit me.  Over the past year, there has been no doubt that God has called us to this moment.  Step by step, He has led the way.  But, despite that fact, the reality of what we are about to take on is nothing less than scary.  There are so many things to process - the fact that we are adopting a child who is almost 3, that we have so much to learn about Down Syndrome, that we have to learn how to instruct this child who is very stubborn but has not been trained up by us thus far, that we have to balance all of her needs with the needs of our 3 boys.  The fear and reality hit me like a ton of bricks on top of the joy that came with meeting her.  So, yesterday afternoon, the tears were quick to fall.  My stomach was churning and I wondered if we have what it takes to give this child everything she needs.

But God...there is no way I could walk this path without Him.  First He blessed me with a husband who is my rock.  Andrew calmed my fears and spoke so much wisdom to me yesterday afternoon.  He assured me that we CAN do this, that one step at a time, we will train her up just as we are training our three boys.  It doesn't mean that it will be easy.  It doesn't mean that it won't be scary.  It doesn't mean that it won't be exhausting.  It just means it will take time.  Time for the peace to come in our home and in our hearts.  Time to learn who she is and how she fits in to our family.  Time to learn about what her Down Syndrome means and how to help her reach her greatest potential.

And then God, He reached down from Heaven and blessed me so by pointing me to scriptures that spoke to my heart over and over again last night.  As big, crocodile tears fell, He lead me first to Psalm 85:8 - "I will listen to what God the Lord will say; he promises peace to his people, his saints," which then led me to Lev. 26:6, "I will grant peace in the land and you will lie down and no one will make you afraid."  Over and over, scripture after scripture, tear drop after tear drop, God told me not to be afraid.  God told me that He would grant peace, that He would walk this path with us, that "instead of bronze he would bring gold; and silver in place of iron" that he would "make peace our governor and righteousness our ruler" (Isaiah 60: 17).  Finally, God showed me Isaiah 43:5-7, "Do not be afraid, for I am with you;  I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west.  I will say to the north, 'Give them up!' and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.'  Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth - everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made."

While Andrew spoke wisdom to me and showed me that investing time in this little girl has eternal value, God slowly began to remove the fear in my heart and replace it with peace.  In light of eternity, the time that it will take, the energy, the effort will be but a blink!  But, God - He loves her so very much that He has seen fit to bring us halfway around the world, to turn our world upside down, in hopes that she will spend that eternity with Him.  As God spoke to me through His word, I commented to Andrew that I couldn't believe how much He loves me and how much He loves Sadie.  And, Andrew whispered, "Yes, and we love her because He first loved us."

Stay tuned, friends!  Today (Tuesday) was a wonderful day!  More coming soon...

Up, Up and Away!

Well, friends...we have said goodbye to the boys for the week (with only a few tears shed on my part), checked our bags at the front desk (50.0 lbs on the dot!), and made our way through security.  We have two hours until take off and I am a bundle of nerves.  My hands are shaking, I have a stress headache, and my stomach is churning.  But, that’s okay.  Because the plane that we are about to step on will take us one flight closer to our baby girl!

I thought I’d give you a run down of what our week will look like because I know so many of you, out of your love and support, want to walk this journey with us.  We will arrive in Sofia on Sunday around 1pm, Bulgarian time.  This is wonderful because it will give us time to get our bearings, check in to our hotel, grab some dinner, Skype with the boys, and then hit the hay early.  After over 24 hours of being awake/traveling, I know we will be beyond exhausted!

Early Monday morning, we will hop in the car with our translator/driver/guide and he will drive us to a town outside of the little village where Sadie lives with her foster family.  We will visit with her 3 to 4 hours each day on Monday through Thursday.  This may be done in one long visit or may be broken down in to 2 shorter visits each day, depending on what the foster family prefers.  I’m not sure where we are going to be visiting with her, but I do know that it will not be in the foster family’s home.  On Friday, we will visit with her in the morning only and then head back to Sofia around noon.  We will fly out EARLY Saturday morning and arrive back at my parents’ house on Saturday night, spent both physically and emotionally.

During the visits with Sadie, we will be playing with the toys that we have brought for her, talking to her, snuggling her (if she desires), taking pictures/video and showing her pictures and video of the boys.  We will be asking the foster parents questions about Sadie’s schedule, medical records, likes and dislikes.  In general, we will be soaking in every minute we can in hopes of getting to know who she is and how we can best ease her transition into our family!

I know so many of you are praying for us and this blesses us beyond measure!  I’m going to attempt to update this blog each day (or every other day) so that it will feel as though you are here with us!  For now, please be praying...
for safe flights for us and safety for the boys and my parents while we are away
for my nerves to calm down and peace to come over us (I very much dislike flying!)
for God to prepare our hearts to meet Sadie and Sadie’s heart to meet us!

Thank you all for faithfully loving us and our little girl so very much!  

UPDATE:  We made it to Vienna!  One more leg of the trip...from here we fly to Sofia!