I'm not holding her in my arms, I'm not showering her with kisses, and I'm not watching with delight as she opens her gifts. But, my heart is full in the knowledge that she is right where she is supposed to be at this moment. She is with a woman who loves her dearly and who is getting to spend one last birthday with her. She is being shown love and is being celebrated, I am sure. I am so very grateful for this and, instead of begrudging the fact that she is not here with us today, I am trying to remember that her Baba needs this day - one last birthday - to be able to begin the process of saying good-bye. Adoption is hard. It is complicated. And, it is not about me. There are so many other people that are involved in this adoption and so many facets of feelings. There is Sadie's birth mom, her foster mom, and several social workers who love her dearly. And there is, of course, Sadie herself. And so, I have to remember not to get caught up in my own feelings, to never feel sorry for myself, but to instead offer up gratitude that the Lord has watched over Sadie and protected her up to this point and pray that He will continue to do so until we can bring her in to her forever home.
Still, today we celebrated! Sadie's daddy made her a birthday cake and we all sang "Happy Birthday" to our girl at lunchtime.
Since Sadie wasn't here, Luke delighted in her cake for her!
My prayer for Sadie tonight is simple, but sweet, taken from my favorite of all books: "May the Lord bless you and keep you. May Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May the Lord look upon you with favor and give you peace." I love you, Baby Girl, all the way to Bulgaria and back!
