Finding Joy in the Journey

Joy.  It's been the theme of our adoption.  When we first talked to John, Joseph and Luke about the possibility of adopting, they were over the moon excited.  We then asked if they would like to adopt a girl or a boy.

"Girl!!!"  they shouted.  "We don't have any girls and we need one!!"

We went on to ask what we should name her, if we got a little girl.  Without hesitation, Joseph yelled, "JOY!"

And, so it began.  Everywhere I looked, I saw the word "joy."  In Bible passages, on signs, in the hymns we sang at church.  I even paid way too much money in an adoption fundraiser just to win a necklace that said, "Find JOY in the journey."  That phrase rang so true to me.  I was striving to find joy in the waiting, in the paperwork, in the lack of control...in the journey.  But, I was also striving to find our baby girl...our Joy.

Throughout the adoption process we would periodically talk about names.  The conversation usually consisted of me saying, "What should we name our little girl?"  Then, after a bit of eye rolling that the topic had arisen once again, Andrew almost always replied, "We'll know when we see her face."

When we received our referral, we were able to see our little girl's Bulgarian name.  It's a different name and not one I have ever seen before.  I soon learned that it was given to her by her birth mother.  Her birth mother wasn't able to give her anything but her name.  In what I am sure was a very hard and painful decision, she and her husband released their rights to their child.  We have learned that throughout these last 3 years, she has remained in contact with our little one, which tells me she loves her very much.  We wanted to keep her Bulgarian name in some way, even if we needed to "spin" it a little to better fit our tastes.

Thankfully, I have wonderfully smart husband who, true to his word, knew her name after he saw her face.  He came up with our baby girl's first name which is similar to her Bulgarian name.  At the same time, I learned that one of my very favorite names actually means "joy" and "song of happiness!"  We put the two together and they married beautifully!  Our daughter's name will be...

Sadie Caroline Shoger

Doesn't "Sadie" just fit this sweet, but spunky, girl?!      

Our God Moves Mountains!

There are so many times in life when God doesn't work the way I want Him to.  I think I know best.  In thinking that I am wise, I - whether inadvertently or on purpose - doubt God's sovereignty.  Over the past three weeks, God has revealed so much of my heart to me and shown me just how selfish I really am.  I want what I want and, when I don't get what I want, I throw a fit of self pity and anger.

But, God - He sees the bigger picture.  He knows what is best for me, just as He does for all His children, and He works so hard for the good of those that love Him.  But, I forget that.  I forget that when He throws things our way that aren't in the "plan," He is working out of His love for me.  He is working out of His love for all of His children.

Three weeks ago we received that for which we've been waiting for so long now - a referral!  With trembling hands and a pounding heart, we listened as our referral was described to us.  And, our joy and excitement quickly turned to disappointment.

She wasn't what we wanted.  She was almost three.  She could walk and talk, run and climb.  She wasn't a baby that we could snuggle and watch grow - see those first steps and take delight in hearing her first words.

And then, within an hour, we saw listed a child that WAS what we wanted.  A barely 1 year old baby girl with DS.  But, we couldn't get her.  She was with a different agency.  It wasn't as simple as swapping one child's file for another.  It was complicated.  We had questions and no answers.  Confusion, sadness and guilt filled our hearts.  For several days, we grieved.

Do you see?  Do you see the selfishness in our hearts?  An almost three year old needed a family and God, in His love for her, had placed her in our path not once, but twice.  It was this same child that 5 months earlier had been presented to us by our adoption agency as a child that we could pursue, if we felt so led.  At the time, we viewed her paperwork, pictures and videos and decided not to pursue because of her age.  We wanted a baby.  We wanted to stay within birth order.  We didn't feel peace.

Over the course of the last 3 weeks, God has given us grace.  Not only in showing us the ugliness of our hearts, but also in giving us the gift of peace.  He allowed peace to flood over our hearts as we watched new videos and looked at new pictures of our sweet little referral.  He moved mountains within our hearts and laid a path to love where the mountains once stood.  He open our eyes to really see this child and see her need for a family and our need for her.

At the same time this was going on with our adoption, God wisely put a little 3 year old into our lives to love on during the day to show us that a 3 year old blends beautifully into our family.  As she snuggled into my lap day after day, as she and Luke fell out with giggles at the lunch table, as the boys chased her around the backyard, God showed me how beautifully out of birth order can work.  In His wisdom, He took a little girl who needed day care and used her mightily to show us His will.

So, because of His loving grace, our sadness has turned to great JOY.  It is with hearts full of love, gratitude and peace that we introduce to you the child we intend to adopt!!  She is spunky, sweet, and beautifully made in the image of God!

She is bright, curious, and (much like Luke) into EVERYTHING!

She has the sweetest cheeks that I just can't wait to kiss!!

She's got determination and a strong will.  In other words, she's a Shoger!

We will meet this sweet little love on December 15th!!  Our cup runneth over with joy, excitement, and nervous anticipation!  Stayed tuned - we have a name picked out for our daughter and can't wait to share it with you!  

"Father to the fatherless, defender of widows—

this is God, whose dwelling is holy.

God places the lonely in families;

he sets the prisoners free and gives them JOY."

Psalm 68: 5-6 (NSV)

Step by Step!

Hi, friends!

We received wonderful news today that our paperwork, which was submitted to the Minister of Justice in Bulgaria on June 20th, has been reviewed and accepted!  Hip hip hooray!  It was actually accepted on July 18th, on which date we were officially registered to adopt from Bulgaria.  But, for whatever reason (I think God was teaching me to trust in His timing), the MOJ's office just notified our adoption agency of this information.  No matter!  We are registered!!

So, the next step?  A REFERRAL!

You might be thinking, "What the heck does that mean?  And, why is she so excited?!"  All of our paperwork is now registered with the MOJ and will be sent to the International Adoption Committee.  The IAC also gets the paperwork of all the kids that are registered and are waiting to be adopted.  Then, this committee looks at the families that want a child and matches them with the children that are waiting to be adopted.  When they feel like a good match has been made, they issue a "referral" to the waiting family.  They send an email to the waiting family with all the information that they have about the matched child - pictures, videos, medical documents, and background history on the child.  So, when I say we are waiting on a "referral," we are waiting to see with whom the IAC matches us.  Once we get a referral, we will have up to 2 weeks to review the documents, pray, and decide if this child is the one that the Lord has chosen for our family.  At this point, one of two things will happen -

1. We will accept the referral and about a month later will travel to Bulgaria to meet our child - EEK!!!  
2. We will decline the referral and wait to be matched with another child.

Andrew and I believe without a doubt that God is completely sovereign.  He already knows who our child is and has known since time began.  That is incredibly mind boggling to me, but so very reassuring!  Our prayer at this time is that God would reveal that child to us and that we would know as soon as we lay eyes on him or her that he or she is the child for our family.  We are praying that the first child we are referred will be the child that we accept.  We truly don't want to have to decline a referral.  So, please pray with us that we would KNOW our child and that God would be gracious in allowing us to fall in love at first sight, knowing that he or she was created for our family!

5/5/5 for Families

Can you believe that June is already gone?!  We had a wonderful, wonderful time at Bonclarken in the North Carolina mountains worshipping God with middle and high school youth from our denomination.  My boys saw and enjoyed time with their "Bonclarken friends" - folks that we get to see only once or twice a year.  Despite the infrequency of these visits, these sweet little people have become lifelong friends that I know my boys will always cherish.  They also spent time enjoying their passions of fishing, swimming in the pool and running.  Here are a few of my favorite pictures from our time in one of the most special places on earth!

John was so proud of this fish that he caught and I was so proud of his "stick to it-ness!"  The boy spent hours waiting and trying, all with a good attitude (most of the time).  He is truly his Grandpa's grandson with his love of catching fish…and telling the story.

Joseph has found a new passion - running!  As my middle child, I struggle to make sure he gets the one on one time that he desperately needs.  His love language is most definitely quality time and I am so excited to find an area of life that we can share!  He ran both Color Runs (there was one for each of the weeks of camp) and another morning joined me on my run just for fun.  This week we're going to start Couch to 5K to make it a bit easier on him and hopefully build him up to running 3 miles straight!

"Enter His gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name. For the Lord is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting and His faithfulness to all generations!"  

Psalm 100: 4 - 5

While at Bonclarken, we received word from our adoption agency that our dossier documents had been authenticated and submitted to the Minister of Justice.  The MOJ has one month to review the documents and let us know whether or not they accept our request to adopt from Bulgaria.  If all is complete and they accept, we will be officially "registered" with the MOJ and will wait for the next (and very exciting!!) step of the adoption process - a REFERRAL!  Please pray with us that God would lead us to exactly the child that He has for our family!

While we wait, I want to advocate for a program that several families recently started through Reece's Rainbow.  It's called 5/5/5 for Families and is a brilliant idea!  The thought is that not everyone has a lot of extra money each month to donate to adoption, but when many people give a little, a big difference can be made!  This group is asking for people to give $5 on the 5th of each month to help 5 families bring home their children.  The families will be chosen from 5 different countries each month and will be bringing home children with special needs.  Could you give up one coffee from Starbucks each month?  Think of what a difference it would make to the orphans of the world!  You can follow the group on Facebook by clicking on this link or you can set up a recurring payment so that you don't even have to think about it by clicking here.  In this way, helping the orphan can be easy and painless.  Andrew and I have already done it - will you follow?

Where are we now?

Hi, guys!

I think I have finally wrapped my head around what the next steps will be between now and when we travel on our first trip to Bulgaria!  I know a lot of you have been wondering, so I wanted to pass the information along to all of you!  Here's what the next weeks/months will look like:

1.  Translation - Our dossier is officially in Bulgaria now and is in the process of being translated.
2.  Authentication - Once all of the translation is done, the documents will be authenticated.  This should take place early this week.
3.  Minister of Justice (MOJ) - After it is authenticated, the paperwork will make it's way to the MOJ's office.  Once there, we are officially "registered."  The processing in this step will take a couple of weeks.
4.  International Adoption Committee (IAC) Meeting - Once the paperwork is registered with the MOJ, it will go before the International Adoption Committee to be reviewed.  We will be told at this point if anything needs to be added/fixed in the paperwork.  We are praying that we will get a "thumbs up" and all will be in order to proceed!
5.  Referral - Once all the paperwork is approved, we will be officially waiting for a referral.  The IAC meets on a regular basis (weekly, I believe) and takes a look at the children that become available for adoption.  When one matches our requests (a child between 0 and 3 years old with Down Syndrome, preferably a girl), then we will be notified of a match.  We will then be given 2 weeks to accept or decline the referral.
6.  Travel on trip one!  Once we have accepted a referral, we will travel on trip one to meet the child (about a month after accepting the referral).  We will visit the orphanage 5 times, for a couple hours each day!  We will be in Bulgaria for about a week and a half for this first trip.

So, that's where we are now!  If you could be praying for God's perfect timing in all of this, it would be greatly appreciated.  It could take no time at all to get a referral or it could take several months.  God already knows our child.  And, He is hemming us in behind and before, leading us to her one step at a time.  Pray that we would know her as well and that His will for us would be made clear and obvious the second we see her face.  Oh, how I long to lay eyes on my precious 4th child!

We'll keep you updated as things progress!

Show me the money!

Well, folks, all of our paperwork for our dossier is officially in Bulgaria!  Whoot whoot!  We're so excited about that!  I'm going to post an update soon about what the next steps will be from here, but I am currently waiting to hear about it myself from our adoption agency's fearless, awesome leader.  So, I'll pass along the info to you as soon as I have it and understand it all!

Until then, I wanted to take some time today to talk to you about the money side of our adoption.  I've hesitated to write this post because when one talks about money, opinions on how it is earned and how it is spent abound.  My hope is that the transparency of this post will help those who are interested in or currently undergoing the process of adoption, while at the same time lend some clarity as to how the money that has been donated is being spent.  Many of you out there are pondering the possibility of adoption but are scared to death by the huge mountain of finances required, often letting it become the reason you don't move forward.  I want to be able to show you how God faithfully provided for us in hopes that you will be encouraged that "He who began a good work in you will carry it to completion" (Philippians 1:6).  If God has called you to adopt, He will provide the financial resources to see it through (given that you do your part as well).  On the flip side, there are so many people who have so generously donated their financial resources to see that our girl gets home and we want them to be able to see a break down of where their funds have and will be going.  So, this post is meant to encourage, inform, and shed light on the financial aspect of our adoption.  Without further ado…

Where did all the money come from?

Below is a breakdown of where the money came from to get us to the fully funded mark.  Notice that we put in $3500 from our savings.  This covered our initial adoption costs - what we had to pay before we began fundraising (our home study and initial adoption agency fees).  If you are thinking about adopting, I would encourage you to have roughly this amount ready before beginning the process.  It will get the ball rolling and show others that you are willing to sacrifice financially along with those who are supporting you.  

From our savings - $3,500

Miscellaneous donations - $2,155

Tag Her Bag Fundraiser - $13,207

Anonymous donation from someone in our church - $5,000

Missions Committee at our church - $5,000

Garage Sale - $1,083

Facebook Auction - $317

Consignment Sale - $829

TOTAL RAISED:  $31,091

Notice that the Missions Committee at our church donated a large amount to our adoption.  Andrew and I were deeply touched by this gift.  The Mission Committee, in deciding on the dispersement of some funds that our church was giving away, chose to bless us because they felt our little girl was one of the missions of the church.  We as a church are to go in to the world and win souls for Christ.  The committee felt that bringing our daughter home to raise her to know and love the Lord was a way of fulfilling the Great Commission.  Their hope and prayer is that, due in part to their financial support, one more child will come to believe in Christ as her Lord and Savior.

How is that much money going to be used?!

Below I am sharing our adoption budget.  So many people have mistakenly assumed that we have to pay Bulgaria $30,000 in order to "buy a child."  This isn't the case at all.  As you'll see below, the funds are used for the adoption agencies (in the US and Bulgaria) who in turn use them to pay lawyers, translators, and many miscellaneous fees.  The funds are also used for travel, many small paperwork fees that add up, education classes we are required to take, and even post adoption report fees. 

Reece's Rainbow Application Fee - $25

Homestudy Fee - $1250

Homestudy Oversight Fee (paid to the adoption agency) - $500

Child Abuse Clearance Fees - $64

Local Background Check - $6

Certified Marriage License - $30

Fingerprints - Local police department - $10

Case Management Fees - Adoption Agency - $3500

Grant Application Fee - $10

Apostille Fees (for several different documents) - $138

FBI Background Check #1 - $36

USCIS application - $720

USCIS Biometrics fee - $170

Physicals for Medical Clearance - $30

Pictures for dossier - $25

USPS - postal fees for dossier - $24

Bulgaria Program Fee - $10,900

Educational Material (books about Down Syndrome and Adoption) - $25

Special Needs Adoption Class - $70

First trip airfare - $3500

First trip lodging - $500

First trip food/extras - $800

Child's Visa - $230

Second stage fingerprints - $20

Second stage background checks - $170

Second stage physicals - $30

Second trip airfare - $3500

Second trip lodging - $500

Second trip food/extras - $800

Child's medicals - $60

TB test - $120

US Birth Certificate - $25

Second stage dossier delivery (Caring Hands) - $51

Post placement reports - $1000

TOTAL BUDGETED:  $28,839

You'll notice that our budget is less than $29,000, yet we've raised over $31,000.  Many of the amounts in the budget are estimations, especially the airfare, room and board while we are in Bulgaria.  We may come in even lower than we anticipate or we may end up closer to the amount we've raised.  I am so very grateful to have the "cushion" in case there are fees that we've left out or in the case that airfare sky rockets.  Who knows?  Maybe God is providing the extra now so that we can say "yes" if He shows us a second child?!  JUST KIDDING, ANDREW!!  Kind of.  Anywho…

So, what happens if we end up with extra money in the adoption account once our baby girl is safe in our arms?  Andrew and I have discussed this and have decided that we will do one of two things, depending on how the Lord leads us at that time (nope, not an all expense paid trip to Disney World!  Shucks):  

1. Put the money in a savings account tagged for any medical and/or therapy expenses that baby girl will have once she's home.  At this point, because we don't yet have a referral, we have no idea what lies ahead as far as medical expenses go.  She may be doing brilliantly and our insurance may be amazing and, therefore, we won't need to do this.  On the other hand…we might be blown away by the cost of therapy or she may have need for heart surgery or something crazy like that.  So, if it looks like we're going to be hit with tons of medical expenses, we will use the money to help cover those costs.
2. If not, then we will either give the money away to someone else who is raising money for an adoption through Reece's Rainbow or we will give the money to a fund that is being built through the Associate Reformed Presbyterian Church to give financial support to other ARP Pastors who are in the process of adopting.  Either way, if money is left over, it will go on to others who are trying to adopt.

Whew!  That was A LOT of information!  If you have any other questions or if you are adopting from Bulgaria and want me to email you the spread sheet of our budget (it's a little more detailed than what is above), just let me know!

I know I've said it a million times, but thank you, again, for all of the amazing love and support that you have given us through this adoption!  We love you all and feel so very blessed to have you in our corner!

The Body of Christ

On Palm Sunday we sang "We Are God's People" - #355 in the ARP Hymnal.  The words of verse 3 aptly describe something that Andrew and I have had the privilege of witnessing over the past year.  It's something described in Acts 2, verses 42 through 47.  Paul speaks of the church devoting themselves to teaching and fellowship, believers coming together and giving to one another as they have need, breaking bread and praising God with sincere and glad hearts.  Andrew and I have seen this in our church, a beautiful picture of the Body of Christ; of the Covenant Family.  My heart filled with gratitude as I sang the words below, remembering all the ways that the people around me had surrounded us with love, support, and encouragement.

We are the Body of which the Lord is Head,

Called to obey Him, now risen from the dead,

He wills us be a family, diverse yet truly one;

O let us give our gifts to God, and so

Shall His work on earth be done.

Over the past year, Andrew and I have experienced so many blessings…

A sweet friend who ran with me many a night, listening as I anguished over whether or not we were being called to adopt, then listened (without judging) many more as I tried to decide whether we had what it takes to raise a child with special needs.

A mentor who prayed for Andrew and for me as I was 10 steps ahead of my husband in the decision to adopt.  She prayed for patience for me and wisdom for Andrew.

A group of men who shed tears of joy and then rose to lay hands on Andrew, praying for him and for us after he shared the news of our plan to adopt with them.

A beautiful woman who saw a need and, without blinking an eye, wrote a check for $900 to cover the cost of sending off our I800a documents for USCIS approval.

An anonymous $5000 check in the offering plate…a private soul watching from the sidelines and deeply touching our hearts.

A six year old girl who sold her Barbie Jeep to raise $50; another 8 year old girl who gave $20 of her precious birthday money, each one wanting to sign their names on the bag that will travel with our baby girl - HOME.

A generous friend who donated 15 gorgeous smocked dresses and jon jons to be sold at auction to raise funds needed to send off our dossier.

A group of members who pray every Monday at noon, week after week for the adoption process, for our girl, for us.

A missions committee who decided that bringing our daughter home was a mission of the church and donated so very generously in hopes that this child would have the opportunity to know and love Christ.

Several selfless friends who spent hours tagging items to be sold at a garage sale in order to gain the last bit of money needed to help push over the edge to being FULLY FUNDED.

And so, so, so many more generous acts of love, donations of items to be sold, monetary gifts and prayers lifted up on our behalf!

The Covenant Family

In our church, our pastor often emphasizes the importance of a "Covenant Family."  Before moving to this sweet little town and becoming a part of this beautiful church, I never really gave much thought to what it means to be a part of a Covenant Family.  After hearing the term "Covenant Family" several times, I began to wonder what it really means.  Who is a part of this Covenant Family?  Why is it important?  What does it mean for me and for my children?  What does it mean for the church of which I am blessed to be a part?

Covenants are seen throughout Scripture as a way of binding us to God and and God to us.  Long ago, Adam broke the covenant that God had made with him.  Adam's job was to work the Garden and take care of all that was given to him.  He broke it by disobeying God and eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Thus, sin entered the world.  From that time forward, out of His extreme love for His people, God worked to redeem His people and bring them once more back to Himself.  Through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus, God conquered sin once and for all so that "all who believe in Him may have eternal life" (John 3:16).  Those who believe, along with their children, become part of the "Covenant Family."  Along with being a part of this Covenant Family comes the responsibility to build our brothers and sisters up in Christ, sharpening one another as we ourselves are being sharpened in our faith.  Also comes the responsibility to "train up a child in the way he should go, so that when he is old he will not depart from it" (Duet. 6:5).  This is not just done by the child's parents, it is done by the Sunday school teachers, by the pastors, by the Elders who pray for the children they are shepherding, and by each and every person within the congregation as they guide and lead these little ones in ways of righteousness.

I have been blessed to see this Covenant Family in action.  I have seen the selfless acts done by people of every age and every gifting.  I have seen church members taking care of one another's children or grandchildren, not because of an arbitrary obligation, but because of a deep desire to see these children come to know and love Christ.  These church members shepherd, teach, pray for, gently admonish, and simply love the children within their Covenant Family because they know that these little ones have eternal value.

When our baby girl is baptized in this beautiful church in our small town in Florida, do not be surprised if there are tears running down my face.  Tears of joy to know that I'm finally holding her in my arms and that she will have the opportunity to know and love her Savior.  Tears of gratitude for the faces I will see before me who have made her being with us possible.  And tears because of the shear knowledge that when the Pastor asks for all those who will love, teach, and bring up our girl in knowledge and fear of the Lord to stand, every person that rises to their feet will be telling the truth.  They will take seriously their vows.  This will be their Covenant child and she will now belong not just to a family, but to the body of Christ.  This, friends, is what it means to be a part of a Covenant community, to join together in the work that will further His kingdom.  Jesus said, "Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name, welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me" (Mark 9:37).  Thank you, beautiful church family, for being so willing to welcome another daughter in to the Covenant family and, in so doing, for welcoming Christ in to your midst.