Down Syndrome: Blessing or Burden?

Why would anyone purposely choose to carry the burden of raising a child with Down Syndrome?  Why would anyone choose to give up their future to love a little one who will likely grow up to be dependent on them for the rest of their lives?  Why would anyone chose a hard life of sacrifice, if they don't have to?

As we continue to blog about our decision to adopt and the reasons why we have chosen to walk down this path (rather, how God has called us to walk down this path), we need to address the very serious question:  why Down Syndrome?  If there are so many orphans in the world, many of whom are incredibly healthy, then why choose one that isn't perfectly so?

Hello??  Who in the world could resist a face like this?!

Seriously!  So much scrumptiousness in such a sweet little face!!  

All kidding aside, when we began feeling God calling us to adopt a child with Down Syndrome, we had the first of many conversations about what our future would look like.  We discussed the fact that getting a babysitter would be harder because we'd need one that understood Down Syndrome and was comfortable around a child with an extra chromosome.  We wrestled with the fact that going on trips with just the two of us would be harder because our parents (who, bless their sweet souls, usually keep our kids) would have their hands full with FOUR kids, one of whom has special needs.  Would they feel comfortable with this?  Would they feel they could handle it?  Next, we moved on to later in life:  were we talking about giving up the retirement years - those years when we would finally get to sleep in, read all we want to, golf, fish, travel and relax?  Would we have an adult dependent on us, unable to live on her own, who would make all those dreams of freedom and bliss disappear because of a decision we made when we were young and foolish and naive?  Finally, we discussed the hardest question of all:  What would happen when we die?  Would we be leaving a burden to our children?  Would they resent us for laying this responsibility on their lives?

So many questions and so few answers.  Yet, still, the Lord called and he answered our questions as verse after verse came to mind.  "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  John 16:33.  "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for YOU are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."  Psalm 23:4  "And I am sure of this, that he who began a  good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."  Philippians 1:6.  God was telling us that it may be hard.  He was saying that there are no guarantees that this child (or any child) will be independent and that we will enjoy an easy life with her.  But, he was reminding us of his promise:  to walk with us hand in hand when times get tough, just as he will do when times get hard raising our other three children.  It is a promise, a comfort, and it brought us peace.

But, there's something else.  I began to realize as we talked to friends who are raising children with Down Syndrome, that we can make a choice to see this child as a burden or to see her as a beautiful blessing.  How we view this child will shape who she is and what she is able to do in this world.  With God's help, we are choosing to see her as he sees her - as "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14).  There are three things that I believe with all my heart:

1. That this beautiful girl that is growing so rapidly in my heart is going bring more joy to our home than we can possibly imagine.
2. That though we will seek to teach our daughter everything she needs to know to grow in knowledge and truth, she is going to be the greatest teacher of all.  I believe that she will teach us (in fact, is teaching us already) patience, compassion, equality, perseverance, grace and so much more.
3. That our sweet baby will be able to do whatever she sets her mind to.  It may take a bit longer and she may have to work a bit harder, but she will accomplish her dreams.  Her brothers, her Daddy, and I will be there cheering her on every step of the way.  Because that's what families do and we are, without a doubt, her family.

So, the question in truth isn't "why would we choose to take on the burden of a child with Down Syndrome?"  The question, rather…the one that makes my heart want to explode with joy is... "Why would God choose us to receive the GIFT of a child with Down Syndrome?"  I feel so very unworthy to receive such a gracious and beautiful gift, but I am so very excited to unwrap it!

Why Adopt?

So the cat's out of the bag and all of our friends and family now know that we are planning to adopt a sweet little girl with an extra chromosome from Bulgaria (Lord willing)!  In our last post, I very briefly explained how we were led down this path by the Lord, but I feel like I need to delve a bit deeper into what He's been teaching me along the way, in hopes of answering the question, "Why in the world are you adopting when you have 3 beautiful, biological children already?"

Yes, we do have 3 crazy, rambunctious, silly, wide-open, strong-willed, AMAZING boys.  And, yes, they are biological.  The Lord blessed us with wonderfully easy pregnancies for each of them.  Every time, we became pregnant quickly (once even unexpectantly) and I don't take this lightly.  I know many, many friends who have struggled for years to get pregnant or have had harsh, painful and anxiety filled pregnancies.  Maybe the Lord would bless us again if we chose to try to become pregnant…or, maybe not.  Either way, it doesn't really matter because this decision has nothing to do with that.  This decision is about obedience, it's about faith, and it's about following a call.

Proverbs 24:12 tells us that (paraphrased) "Once our eyes are opened we cannot pretend we do not know what to do.  God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows we know and holds us responsible to act."

There are so many reasons why I could tell you that we are feeling called to adopt.  First, I could point you to the statistics*:

• It is estimated that there are between 143 and 210 MILLION orphans worldwide.  To wrap your head around this statistic, keep in mind that there are about 300 million people living in the United States today.
• Every day 5,760 more children become orphans.
• 33% of Americans consider adoption.  Less than 2% actually adopt.  
• If 1 family in every 3 American churches chose to adopt a waiting child, every waiting child in America would have a forever family.

I could point you to the Bible verses that Andrew and I have studied over and over again:

• "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and righteous is this:  to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  James 1:27
• "Do not take advantage of the widow or orphan." Exodus 22:22
• "Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed." Psalm 82:3
• "And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me."  Matthew 18:5

Or I could show you a few of the precious babies with whom I've fallen in love**:

Each of these in and of themselves would be a wonderful and noble reason to adopt.  And, I'd be lying if I said that they did not influenced our decision as we've processed them along the way.  However, the most compelling argument of all is the fact that I, myself, am adopted.  What?!  Those of you who know me, are shaking your head and saying, "That's not true!"  But, it is true.  Spiritually speaking.  I was lost and dead in my sin when God found me.  My soul was orphaned until He came and adopted me as His child.  John 1:12 says, "But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God."  A child of God.  That's what I am - and it takes my breath away.

Galatians 4:4 states, "But when the right time came, God sent his Son...to buy freedom for us...so that he could adopt us as his very own children."  Did you catch that?  I was bought for a price.  I was paid for with the blood of Christ.   I am fully HIS.  And, because I am fully His, I have received an inheritance.  Romans 15 - 16 says, "You received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.  Now we call him, 'Abba, Father.'  For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children."  What is my inheritance?  Eternal life.  He has breathed his Spirit on me and, because of that Spirit, I am washed clean and am deemed worthy of an eternity in the presence of my Lord.  He gives me the freedom and ability to whisper his name, "Abba, Father."  When I am happy or sad, scared or elated, I can call on my Father and he will be there.  He will not leave me because I am his child and he is my Father.

Because of sin, each and every one of us is lost and orphaned and alone.  Sin completely and utterly separates us from our Father.  Without the grace of God, we will all remain that way.  But, He comes to us, loves us, accepts us as his, pays for us and ADOPTS us.  Then, he calls us to "therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children" (Ephesians 5:1).  If he wants us to imitate him in all things, then he must desire for us, his children, to seek out those who are without a family, without love, comfort and support.  And to adopt them as our own.***

This is why Andrew and I feel that we are being called to adopt.  Because I, myself, have been adopted, I know what a gloriously beautiful gift it is.  I know what it's like to have a place prepared for me in a house with many rooms.  I know what it's like I have a Father who cares about my every breath, who knows the number of hairs on my head.  I know what it's like to have brothers and sisters who pray for me daily and would lay down their life for me.

No child should be deprived of love, a family, or a home.  Yet, every day, millions are.  The heart-wrenching truth is that the worst depravation isn't the physical.  To be deprived spiritually has eternal consequence.  They need an earthly father who will point them to their Heavenly Father.  They need to be held and snuggled, kissed and squeezed.  And, when they are warm and content in the arms of love, they need to have a secret whispered in their ear:  the secret that God loves them, that Jesus died on the cross as a ransom for their lives.  They need to know.  So that they, too, can be adopted - a second time.



*Statistics found on http://skywardjourney.wordpress.com/orphan-statistics/ and on http://www.abbafund.org/adoption-journey/adoption-facts/.
**Each of these precious children is waiting for a family and can be found on www.reecesrainbow.org.
***Please know that I do not believe that every person or family is called to adopt.  But, I do believe that God has called each of us to take care of orphans in some way.  Whether through prayer, financial support, physical support of those who are adopting, advocating for orphans or actually adopting, we are called by God to "care for orphans in their distress."

News! News!

I don't watch the news.  I don't check CNN.com or FoxNews.com on a regular basis.  I don't often read the newspaper or listen to the radio.  If anything major happens in the world, I depend on my husband to break it to me gently and with the most positive spin possible.  

Instead, I live in a bubble.  And, I like my bubble, thank you very much.  It's comfortable in here.  There is a sweet, welcoming house.  There is a good-looking, kind, loving husband.  And, there are 3 of the cutest, craziest kids you'll ever meet.  We love Jesus and laughing, learning and playing.  Our bubble is happy and warm and cozy.  

Apparently, however, God doesn't like me living in a bubble and He's decided to open my eyes to some things that I'd rather not see.  It all started when I read the book, Kisses From Katie about an amazing girl who listened to God and followed her heart, completely giving it away to needy children in Africa.  Pop!  The first bubble burst.

Then, I read blogpost after blogpost written by a friend of mine from college.  All about adoption.  All about kids who need a home.  And love.  Pop!  Pop!

Then, on a date night in, Andrew and I decided to watch October Baby, a movie about a girl who survives being aborted and is adopted into a family.  The last line did me in.  The actress who played the lead tells her father, "thank you."  "For what?" her adoptive dad replies.  "For wanting me."  Pop!  Pop!  And, Pop!

Little by little, God started showing me kids without a home.  Kids who have no Mommy and Daddy to snuggle them in the morning, noon, and night.  No brother or sister to call their best friend.  No one to pick them up when they cry.  No warm bed and no toys.  No backyard in which they can run around and play hide-and-seek.  No one to tell them about Jesus and His love for them.

God completely burst my bubble.  He showed me children who live in a country that finds them useless.  A country that puts them in a mental institution if they are not saved by the time they are four years old.  A country that leaves them in their cribs for days and months and years on end.  Though I did not want to see, like Saul, God has opened my eyes.

And with my eyes wide open, I look down and see two hands so very capable of wrapping another child in love.  With wide eyes, I look at this wonderful home and see room for another bed.  I look at my husband, who is the most amazing father, and I see the ability to show another child the love of the heavenly Father because of the example of this earthly father.  I look at my kids and see their desire for a sister - a little pink in the midst of all the blue.  

And, I know, without a shadow of a doubt that He has called us to adopt.  He has asked us to take a little girl with Down Syndrome out of an orphanage in Bulgaria and bring her into our home.  Though I do not know her name and have never seen her face, I know that God has knit this precious child together in her mother's womb and that even now, He is knitting her together in our hearts.  

So, I invite you to join us on this journey as we begin the process of adoption.  May your eyes, too, be opened.  May your bubble burst.  May you delight in the call - whatever it may be - that He has given to you this day!

"Every day, we have a choice.  We can stay nestled in our safe comfortable places, we can let fear 

of something that is small compared to the greatness of God cripple us.  Or we can take a risk, 

do something to help someone else, make a person smile, change someone's world.  

Life to the fullest exists.  It's available.  All we have to do is decide to get up and embrace it."  

Katie Davis (Kisses from Katie)