Why fundraise?

My two biggest boys stand giggling outside of the nursery.  I can hear them as I sing "You are my Sunshine" softly to Luke and then pray for him before laying him in his crib.  As I walk out of the room and shut the door behind me, John and Joseph stand, pajama-clad, barely able to contain their excitement.  In his hands, John holds a box.  I know it well.  It's the box he painstakingly made at the beach last summer, working long after his cousins had gotten bored and moved on to the next activity.  It's the box that holds his treasures: the shark tooth from the aquarium, his own baby tooth he lost a couple of weeks ago, tiny shells found on the beach, and his money.  Now, the boys grin and hold out the box to me.  At the same time, they say, "We have a present for you."  "What is it?" I reply.  "Open it.  It's for the adoption.  Will it help?"  I open the box and inside lies $3.06.  All the money my boys have to their names, combined.  Tears well, the words choke in my throat, and I whisper, "Yes, boys, this will help bring your sister home!"

Last summer, while we were in the early stages of praying about the possibility of adoption, a friend of mine asked a question that I feel I did a very poor job of answering.  At the time, he didn't know that adoption was on our hearts, yet he dropped this question in my lap: "What do you think about people fundraising for adoption?"  I paused, caught a little off guard, and replied, "I don't really have any problem with it.  I have had a couple friends that we have helped with their adoptions.  I feel like there are so many people who can't have kids and I'd love to be able to help them have the joy of having a family like we do."  My friend went on to explain that he was talking about families that are middle to upper middle class, who already have kids, yet are wanting to adopt.  Families that could take out loans, if they really felt they needed more kids.  The question seemed focus on fundraising (Why fundraise when you can pay for it yourself, even if it means going in to debt for a while?) with the underlying question of adoption after biological kids (Why adopt when you can have biological kids?  Isn't that being financially irresponsible?)  I fumbled, I faltered, and in the end, I didn't really know what to say.

At that point, my focus was still all wrong.  Yes, God was beginning to lay adoption on our hearts, but for some reason my focus was still so much on us and other parents who were adopting.  At that point, God had not yet opened my eyes to the need of kids around the world.  I was looking in the wrong direction - at myself, at my peers adopting, rather than at the child.  

Since that time, I have read the book, Adopted for Life, by Russell Moore, and God has taught me so much about adoption.  He's been showing me what He means in James 1:27 when He says, "Look after the orphans and widows in their distress."  The dictionary defines "distress" as "extreme anxiety, sorrow, or pain."  The children in need of adoption are exactly that.  They are anxious about what their life will look like today, tomorrow, next month, next year.  They are filled with sorrow at the loss of their parents, the lack of love, the absence of a family.  They carry the pain of rejection, abandonment, and often the scars from abuse.  It is not about us, our financial situation, and whether or not we already have biological kids.  It is about the child and caring for his needs.

If I had known then what I know now, I would have answered my friend so differently.  I would have told him that I whole heartily believe that fundraising for adoption is a good thing to do.  As Christians, God has given us this mandate to "look after orphans," but he has not called every family to adopt.  Still, there are so many that want to obey the Lord, to take part in changing a life for the better.  In opening an adoption to fundraising, a family is allowing others to be part of the journey.  The family is allowing others to take part in alleviating the distress of one orphan, to help fold one child into a family.  

Andrew and I are estimating the cost of our adoption from Bulgaria to be close to $30,000.  We feel very strongly that we need to be open and willing to using our savings toward the adoption.  Matthew 6:21 says, "Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  God has blessed us with a little "nest egg" in savings and has shown us that we don't need to hold tightly to the money we have.  Though it lends us a bit of security in serving as our "Emergency Fund," it doesn't belong to us, it belongs to Him.  So, we are more than willing to use our savings to help pay for this adoption.  Unfortunately, our savings will only make a small dent in the total cost.  While we could take out a loan to cover the remaining cost of the adoption, we feel that going into great debt without first fundraising would be doing ourselves, our friends, our family and complete strangers a disservice.  We want to give those around us the opportunity, if they so desire, to become part of our child's story.  We want to allow others to join with us in taking away the anxiety, the sorrow and the pain that our child has known thus far in her life, and replace it instead with joy.  

I believe that John and Joseph, in giving all the money they had, wanted nothing more than to make a difference.  They wanted to help, to be a part of the work we were doing to bring their sister home.  The joy, the excitement, and the selfless love that they showed in giving what money they had made me realize that by accepting money from others to help bring our girl home, we are not the only ones receiving a gift.  In humbly accepting, we are giving a gift to others:  the gift of allowing them to answer God's call to love, cherish, and alleviate the distress of His children, His orphans.   

If you are interested in partnering with us to bring our girl home, stay tuned to hear what fundraisers we have in store... 

Why Bulgaria? The longest post in the history of blogging...

Hi, friends!!  I apologize for the long absence!  I blinked, life happened, and a month was gone.  Yikes!   If you're new here, welcome!  This is a very lengthy post, but I'm sharing my heart.  So, settle the kiddos, grab a cup of coffee, and read on to learn how God led us to Bulgaria in this adoption journey...

God is really amazing!  Though nothing is hidden from God and He knows all things, in His infinite wisdom, He chooses not to let us see the big picture all at once.  In my need for control, I would absolutely love to see the big picture.  I would love to know what's next.  I would love to not feel the need to constantly question God about His intentions and our path.  But, God is patient and has provided a lamp unto our feet for every step of this journey.  He started by opening our eyes to the needs of kids around the world.  He laid adoption on our hearts and made it obvious that He was calling us to open our home to another child.  "Take a step," He said, "and trust."  We did.

As we began to research adoption, we were completely and utterly overwhelmed.  Where would we start?  How does one family choose one child to adopt among the sea of faces in need?  How do you say, "Yes" to one child when it means saying "No" to another?  But, God is faithful.  And, God is good.  He says, "For I know the plans I have for you…" (Jeremiah 29:11).  Still, we fumbled for light.  Domestic or International?  Public or Private?  Special needs or not?  Young or older?  Boy or girl?  The decisions and choices were overwhelming.

Then, one night, I "stumbled" upon the website for Reece's Rainbow, and felt a weight fall on my shoulders that hadn't been there before.  It was as though God was putting his hands on each shoulder and saying, "This is it.  Down Syndrome.  Take another step and trust."  And, so, we did.  Though it took some time to work through the doubts and questions, we trusted and we began to move.

There are so many kids right here in our own backyard who need homes that we logically turned to America first in search of a child with Down Syndrome.  In my research, I found good news and bad news.  First, the good news:  I found that in America, the need for families who desire to adopt a child with Down Syndrome is surprisingly being met.  There is actually a pool of people waiting to be matched with a child that fits their profile and would blend best with their family.  This thrills me to no end!  These children are wanted, desired, and loved!

But, as I dug deeper, I found a heart wrenching truth:  90% of children who are diagnosed with Down Syndrome while in the womb are aborted.  World-wide, that statistic is actually closer to 92%.  We condemn Hitler for the horrible things he did during the Holocaust (and rightly so!), while remaining silent as baby after baby is killed in the womb because they have an extra chromosome.  I have read the stories of moms who get this diagnosis while pregnant, and have much sympathy for them.  I have read their battles with the decision and, in their writing, I can hear their questions, doubts, and fears.  I feel for them, I really do, because they are blindsided with something that will change their lives forever.  But, I simply cannot understand the reasoning that this child will be better dead than he or she would be living with his or her disability.  Is no life better than a hard life?  Life. is. hard.  Disability or not.  These children do not deserve death simply because they are different.  It's genocide.  And doctors, geneticists, and mothers are allowing it to happen.  These babies have no voice, they are given no choice.  And, to me, that's just plain wrong.  And it hurts my heart.

We prayed, we talked, we researched, we thought, and little by little, God made us more and more comfortable with International Adoption.  We began to research the needs of children with Down Syndrome internationally and we were blown away by the stories we heard, the videos we watched, and the statistics we read.  God said, "This is where the need is, this is where I want you to go.  Take a step and trust."  And, so we did.

According to the research we've found on the internet, children in Eastern Europe who are born with Down Syndrome are almost always placed for adoption simply because it is such a social stigma to have a child with special needs.  The children are then kept in the orphanage for approximately 5 years.  If they are not adopted by their 5th birthday, they are moved to a mental institution and left there to die.  In the mental institution, they remain in their cribs day after day, year after year.  They are malnourished, poorly clothed, and are never loved, never hugged, never kissed.  They don't see the sun, feel it's warmth on their faces, or touch the soft grass beneath their feet.

There is great deal of information on the internet and I encourage you to search out the truth.  You can begin by reading this eye opening article about the conditions in the orphanages.  In the article, you will also see some amazing before and after pictures.  There is hope for these children, but the world needs to know that they exist and that there is a need.  Then, the world needs to take a stand to protect these little lives.

So, Eastern Europe seemed to be the place with the greatest need, but we still needed to either pick a child (via Reece's Rainbow) or pick a country.  We prayed, we talked and I fell in love with child after child as I looked at their pictures on the internet.  But, I never felt God saying, "This is the one.  This is your child."  So, I began to look more closely at the countries in Eastern Europe - Ukraine, Bulgaria, Romania, Armenia, etc.  I compared the cost of adopting from each place, the length of travel, the number of trips, and the process in general.  We finally settled on Bulgaria for the following reasons:

• It's a country that is party to the Hague Convention, meaning that there is more stability in the process for us and more procedures in place to protect the children who are being adopted.  
• We learned that we can complete the majority of our paperwork and have it all processed before being matched with a child.  There are two advantages to this:

1. Bulgaria will match us with a child rather than us looking at a sea of faces and "choosing."  Unless the Lord were to specifically say in a very clear voice, "This is your child," I was not comfortable making that decision.  I felt too guilty about all the children I would be saying, "No" to.  I would rather Bulgaria look at our paperwork and, with the providential help of the Lord, match us with the child they felt best fit our family.  
2. When we are referred (or matched) with our child, we will be able to GO.  That means we won't feel the stress (at least not as much) as we do all the paperwork that we would feel if our child were literally waiting for us.  It takes a lot of pressure off which, for me, is a very good thing.  So much of this process is out of my control and knowing that there is a little one, whose face I have seen, waiting on me would make me feel that much more out of control.

• The trips.  In some countries, the length of stay in the country can stretch very long.  I honestly can't imagine leaving our boys much longer than a week - two at the very most.  With the Bulgaria program, you do two visits (2 to 4 months apart).  They are each about a week to 10 days, including flights.  For us, this is so much more doable.  I am NOT looking forward to that 2 to 4 month wait period, but I understand the need for it.
• The cost…is a lot.  We're looking at $25,000 to $30,000.  When we originally started looking at Bulgaria, it looked like it would be $18,000 to $25,000.  So, that was a benefit because, as far as international adoption goes, that was on the lower end.  As we've gotten in to the process, we are realizing that realistically it will be more along the lines of the first figures above.  I won't lie - that part is SCARY.  But, we serve a GREAT God and we are depending on Him to provide through savings, grants, and fundraisers.  I'll talk more about those on another day!

So, after weighing all the facts, much discussion, and much, much prayer, we settled on Bulgaria.  In all honesty, for me, deciding on a country was probably the hardest decision thus far.  It simply wasn't as obvious as the decision to adopt or the decision to seek out a child with Down Syndrome.  There was no doubt that God was leading us to International Adoption, but which country in particular was unclear.  The Bible says in James 1:5, "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him."  So, we asked God.  Then, through our weighing of the country options and through consideration of what would be best for our family and it's needs, God softly whispered, "Bulgaria.  Take a step and trust."

Down Syndrome: Blessing or Burden?

Why would anyone purposely choose to carry the burden of raising a child with Down Syndrome?  Why would anyone choose to give up their future to love a little one who will likely grow up to be dependent on them for the rest of their lives?  Why would anyone chose a hard life of sacrifice, if they don't have to?

As we continue to blog about our decision to adopt and the reasons why we have chosen to walk down this path (rather, how God has called us to walk down this path), we need to address the very serious question:  why Down Syndrome?  If there are so many orphans in the world, many of whom are incredibly healthy, then why choose one that isn't perfectly so?

Hello??  Who in the world could resist a face like this?!

Seriously!  So much scrumptiousness in such a sweet little face!!  

All kidding aside, when we began feeling God calling us to adopt a child with Down Syndrome, we had the first of many conversations about what our future would look like.  We discussed the fact that getting a babysitter would be harder because we'd need one that understood Down Syndrome and was comfortable around a child with an extra chromosome.  We wrestled with the fact that going on trips with just the two of us would be harder because our parents (who, bless their sweet souls, usually keep our kids) would have their hands full with FOUR kids, one of whom has special needs.  Would they feel comfortable with this?  Would they feel they could handle it?  Next, we moved on to later in life:  were we talking about giving up the retirement years - those years when we would finally get to sleep in, read all we want to, golf, fish, travel and relax?  Would we have an adult dependent on us, unable to live on her own, who would make all those dreams of freedom and bliss disappear because of a decision we made when we were young and foolish and naive?  Finally, we discussed the hardest question of all:  What would happen when we die?  Would we be leaving a burden to our children?  Would they resent us for laying this responsibility on their lives?

So many questions and so few answers.  Yet, still, the Lord called and he answered our questions as verse after verse came to mind.  "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."  John 16:33.  "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for YOU are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."  Psalm 23:4  "And I am sure of this, that he who began a  good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."  Philippians 1:6.  God was telling us that it may be hard.  He was saying that there are no guarantees that this child (or any child) will be independent and that we will enjoy an easy life with her.  But, he was reminding us of his promise:  to walk with us hand in hand when times get tough, just as he will do when times get hard raising our other three children.  It is a promise, a comfort, and it brought us peace.

But, there's something else.  I began to realize as we talked to friends who are raising children with Down Syndrome, that we can make a choice to see this child as a burden or to see her as a beautiful blessing.  How we view this child will shape who she is and what she is able to do in this world.  With God's help, we are choosing to see her as he sees her - as "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14).  There are three things that I believe with all my heart:

1. That this beautiful girl that is growing so rapidly in my heart is going bring more joy to our home than we can possibly imagine.
2. That though we will seek to teach our daughter everything she needs to know to grow in knowledge and truth, she is going to be the greatest teacher of all.  I believe that she will teach us (in fact, is teaching us already) patience, compassion, equality, perseverance, grace and so much more.
3. That our sweet baby will be able to do whatever she sets her mind to.  It may take a bit longer and she may have to work a bit harder, but she will accomplish her dreams.  Her brothers, her Daddy, and I will be there cheering her on every step of the way.  Because that's what families do and we are, without a doubt, her family.

So, the question in truth isn't "why would we choose to take on the burden of a child with Down Syndrome?"  The question, rather…the one that makes my heart want to explode with joy is... "Why would God choose us to receive the GIFT of a child with Down Syndrome?"  I feel so very unworthy to receive such a gracious and beautiful gift, but I am so very excited to unwrap it!

Why Adopt?

So the cat's out of the bag and all of our friends and family now know that we are planning to adopt a sweet little girl with an extra chromosome from Bulgaria (Lord willing)!  In our last post, I very briefly explained how we were led down this path by the Lord, but I feel like I need to delve a bit deeper into what He's been teaching me along the way, in hopes of answering the question, "Why in the world are you adopting when you have 3 beautiful, biological children already?"

Yes, we do have 3 crazy, rambunctious, silly, wide-open, strong-willed, AMAZING boys.  And, yes, they are biological.  The Lord blessed us with wonderfully easy pregnancies for each of them.  Every time, we became pregnant quickly (once even unexpectantly) and I don't take this lightly.  I know many, many friends who have struggled for years to get pregnant or have had harsh, painful and anxiety filled pregnancies.  Maybe the Lord would bless us again if we chose to try to become pregnant…or, maybe not.  Either way, it doesn't really matter because this decision has nothing to do with that.  This decision is about obedience, it's about faith, and it's about following a call.

Proverbs 24:12 tells us that (paraphrased) "Once our eyes are opened we cannot pretend we do not know what to do.  God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls knows we know and holds us responsible to act."

There are so many reasons why I could tell you that we are feeling called to adopt.  First, I could point you to the statistics*:

• It is estimated that there are between 143 and 210 MILLION orphans worldwide.  To wrap your head around this statistic, keep in mind that there are about 300 million people living in the United States today.
• Every day 5,760 more children become orphans.
• 33% of Americans consider adoption.  Less than 2% actually adopt.  
• If 1 family in every 3 American churches chose to adopt a waiting child, every waiting child in America would have a forever family.

I could point you to the Bible verses that Andrew and I have studied over and over again:

• "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and righteous is this:  to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  James 1:27
• "Do not take advantage of the widow or orphan." Exodus 22:22
• "Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed." Psalm 82:3
• "And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me."  Matthew 18:5

Or I could show you a few of the precious babies with whom I've fallen in love**:

Each of these in and of themselves would be a wonderful and noble reason to adopt.  And, I'd be lying if I said that they did not influenced our decision as we've processed them along the way.  However, the most compelling argument of all is the fact that I, myself, am adopted.  What?!  Those of you who know me, are shaking your head and saying, "That's not true!"  But, it is true.  Spiritually speaking.  I was lost and dead in my sin when God found me.  My soul was orphaned until He came and adopted me as His child.  John 1:12 says, "But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God."  A child of God.  That's what I am - and it takes my breath away.

Galatians 4:4 states, "But when the right time came, God sent his Son...to buy freedom for us...so that he could adopt us as his very own children."  Did you catch that?  I was bought for a price.  I was paid for with the blood of Christ.   I am fully HIS.  And, because I am fully His, I have received an inheritance.  Romans 15 - 16 says, "You received God's Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.  Now we call him, 'Abba, Father.'  For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children."  What is my inheritance?  Eternal life.  He has breathed his Spirit on me and, because of that Spirit, I am washed clean and am deemed worthy of an eternity in the presence of my Lord.  He gives me the freedom and ability to whisper his name, "Abba, Father."  When I am happy or sad, scared or elated, I can call on my Father and he will be there.  He will not leave me because I am his child and he is my Father.

Because of sin, each and every one of us is lost and orphaned and alone.  Sin completely and utterly separates us from our Father.  Without the grace of God, we will all remain that way.  But, He comes to us, loves us, accepts us as his, pays for us and ADOPTS us.  Then, he calls us to "therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children" (Ephesians 5:1).  If he wants us to imitate him in all things, then he must desire for us, his children, to seek out those who are without a family, without love, comfort and support.  And to adopt them as our own.***

This is why Andrew and I feel that we are being called to adopt.  Because I, myself, have been adopted, I know what a gloriously beautiful gift it is.  I know what it's like to have a place prepared for me in a house with many rooms.  I know what it's like I have a Father who cares about my every breath, who knows the number of hairs on my head.  I know what it's like to have brothers and sisters who pray for me daily and would lay down their life for me.

No child should be deprived of love, a family, or a home.  Yet, every day, millions are.  The heart-wrenching truth is that the worst depravation isn't the physical.  To be deprived spiritually has eternal consequence.  They need an earthly father who will point them to their Heavenly Father.  They need to be held and snuggled, kissed and squeezed.  And, when they are warm and content in the arms of love, they need to have a secret whispered in their ear:  the secret that God loves them, that Jesus died on the cross as a ransom for their lives.  They need to know.  So that they, too, can be adopted - a second time.



*Statistics found on http://skywardjourney.wordpress.com/orphan-statistics/ and on http://www.abbafund.org/adoption-journey/adoption-facts/.
**Each of these precious children is waiting for a family and can be found on www.reecesrainbow.org.
***Please know that I do not believe that every person or family is called to adopt.  But, I do believe that God has called each of us to take care of orphans in some way.  Whether through prayer, financial support, physical support of those who are adopting, advocating for orphans or actually adopting, we are called by God to "care for orphans in their distress."

News! News!

I don't watch the news.  I don't check CNN.com or FoxNews.com on a regular basis.  I don't often read the newspaper or listen to the radio.  If anything major happens in the world, I depend on my husband to break it to me gently and with the most positive spin possible.  

Instead, I live in a bubble.  And, I like my bubble, thank you very much.  It's comfortable in here.  There is a sweet, welcoming house.  There is a good-looking, kind, loving husband.  And, there are 3 of the cutest, craziest kids you'll ever meet.  We love Jesus and laughing, learning and playing.  Our bubble is happy and warm and cozy.  

Apparently, however, God doesn't like me living in a bubble and He's decided to open my eyes to some things that I'd rather not see.  It all started when I read the book, Kisses From Katie about an amazing girl who listened to God and followed her heart, completely giving it away to needy children in Africa.  Pop!  The first bubble burst.

Then, I read blogpost after blogpost written by a friend of mine from college.  All about adoption.  All about kids who need a home.  And love.  Pop!  Pop!

Then, on a date night in, Andrew and I decided to watch October Baby, a movie about a girl who survives being aborted and is adopted into a family.  The last line did me in.  The actress who played the lead tells her father, "thank you."  "For what?" her adoptive dad replies.  "For wanting me."  Pop!  Pop!  And, Pop!

Little by little, God started showing me kids without a home.  Kids who have no Mommy and Daddy to snuggle them in the morning, noon, and night.  No brother or sister to call their best friend.  No one to pick them up when they cry.  No warm bed and no toys.  No backyard in which they can run around and play hide-and-seek.  No one to tell them about Jesus and His love for them.

God completely burst my bubble.  He showed me children who live in a country that finds them useless.  A country that puts them in a mental institution if they are not saved by the time they are four years old.  A country that leaves them in their cribs for days and months and years on end.  Though I did not want to see, like Saul, God has opened my eyes.

And with my eyes wide open, I look down and see two hands so very capable of wrapping another child in love.  With wide eyes, I look at this wonderful home and see room for another bed.  I look at my husband, who is the most amazing father, and I see the ability to show another child the love of the heavenly Father because of the example of this earthly father.  I look at my kids and see their desire for a sister - a little pink in the midst of all the blue.  

And, I know, without a shadow of a doubt that He has called us to adopt.  He has asked us to take a little girl with Down Syndrome out of an orphanage in Bulgaria and bring her into our home.  Though I do not know her name and have never seen her face, I know that God has knit this precious child together in her mother's womb and that even now, He is knitting her together in our hearts.  

So, I invite you to join us on this journey as we begin the process of adoption.  May your eyes, too, be opened.  May your bubble burst.  May you delight in the call - whatever it may be - that He has given to you this day!

"Every day, we have a choice.  We can stay nestled in our safe comfortable places, we can let fear 

of something that is small compared to the greatness of God cripple us.  Or we can take a risk, 

do something to help someone else, make a person smile, change someone's world.  

Life to the fullest exists.  It's available.  All we have to do is decide to get up and embrace it."  

Katie Davis (Kisses from Katie)