The first day of a new life together!

Thank you all so very much for your prayers as we went through the day today!  They were felt through and through!  We left the hotel at 7am and arrived right on time at the social workers office at 9:30am.  After about 5 minutes, Sadie, Baba, and her birth mom arrived, along with the 4 social workers that we met when we came in December.  The next 30 minutes were a whirlwind, filled with introductions, paperwork, gifts, and tears.  The birth mom was incredibly sweet and seemed to have worked through her grief already.  I can only imagine how much she's been through and she seemed at peace with her decision.  I'm thankful that she has that peace.  Baba had a much harder time, and understandably so.  She has cared for her for a long time now and it is completely obvious how much she loves Sadie.  I will forever be grateful for the love that she has poured into our child!

First glimpse after way too long!

We said our good byes, got in the car and drove away.  It seems so odd to me that just like that we are responsible for another human being...for the rest of her life.  It's terrifying, exciting, and amazing all at the same time.  Sadie did so well in the car, playing with toys, talking a ton and eventually falling asleep.

The next stop was the medical clinic for a TB test and a once over from the pediatrician.  Y'all.  It was traumatic!  They had to stick her in the arm and draw blood and I had to restrain her while they did it.  What a first thing to have to do as her new mom!!  She was then terrified to let the pediatrician touch her.  I did lots of holding, soothing, and singing to calm her and then escaped with her from that place as soon as I could while I let Andrew pay the bill.  Whew!  Bless her sweet heart.  

Finally, around 1:15pm, we made it back to the hotel.  Sadie was exhausted, upset, and completely overstimulated.  We decided to order room service and headed upstairs.  I changed her diaper and got her out of her sweaty clothes (screaming at the top of your lungs at the doctor will do that to a girl) and started to show her all of her toys while Andrew ordered food.  

Suddenly, she started getting really upset, crying, squirming, and fighting me when I tried to comfort her in my lap.  Then she threw up - a lot.  All over me, her new clothes, the floor - everything.  We got her cleaned up and bathed and decided that we were going to stay in for the day, that the morning had just been too much for her.  From the good-byes she didn't understand, to the 2 hour car ride, to the doctor...her little body just couldn't handle it.  So, I wrapped her sweet body in a towel and held her for a while.  She cuddled in and rested.  It was sweet and sad all at the same time.  I feel so for her, I really do.  

As the rain drizzled outside, we put on jammies and took the afternoon to play, to get to know one another, to eat soup, and to be a family.  It was a sweet and restful time.

After several hours, we decided to head downstairs to dinner.  This hotel is wonderful in that there is a restaurant on the bottom floor that is never busy, is quiet (until we arrive) and is yummy.  

All girlified and ready for supper!!

Can't wait to eat!!!

Dinner was so. much. fun.  Sadie loved sitting in a highchair (thank you, Baba, for training her on that one!) and ate so well!  She hammed it up for us, too, making us laugh a ton at her antics.  Andrew commented that he could see her true personality coming out.  It was a sweet, sweet time.  

After dinner we did a quick bath (she's not a fan, but endures it like a champ!) and played a bit until it was time to Skype with the boys.  It was so good to see their faces and to hear about the great time they are having with Grammy and Grandpa!  Luke even beat his brothers in fishing - he caught 2 while they each caught only one fish.  Go, little man!  

Sadie meeting her brothers for the first time!

Then, it was off to bed!  We truly had no idea how this moment would go.  We knew she was tired, but didn't know if she'd give in to it.  We dimmed the room and I tried to hold her and sing to her.  No go...she fought her way out of my lap.  Then, I gave her her doll and put her in her crib.  And...she climbed out.  So, we put her in our bed, patted the pillow, laid down beside her and said, "Night, night" over and over.  We closed our eyes and waited.  She talked and moaned and, after about 20 minutes, fell asleep with her leg slung across her Daddy's arm.  Sweet, sweet girl.

All in all, it was a nerve wracking, hard, sad, happy, wonderful, and joyful day.  Please pray for her as I'm sure she's going to realize, eventually, that Baba is gone and we are here to stay.  Pray that she would be able to mourn and we would know how to help her through it.  And, pray for us.  As fun and exciting as it is to have a new daughter, I'd be lying if I said I'm not terrified.  I don't know this child at all.  I don't know yet how to be her mother.  We are learning and growing every day...and each day, we are walking through mountains of fear.  Pray for God's peace to abound and for us all grow and learn to love - together.

Tomorrow...

We made it to Bulgaria, friends!  Our flights went amazingly well and we can already see prayer after prayer being answered on this trip.  Our tickets were Humanitarian tickets, which means that they were cheaper, but seats were not assigned.  When we got to the front desk, we asked if it would be possible for us to sit together and were told that, not only were we sitting together, but Andrew actually had an aisle seat on the long leg of the trip!  Oh, the joy for my long legged man!!  After we boarded the plane, we found out that there wouldn't be anyone sitting in the seat next to me, which meant we had the whole row to ourselves!  For a 10 hour flight, this was AMAZINGLY wonderful.  Isn't God so good?!  All of our flights took off and landed without a hitch and we are now safely tucked into our hotel in Sofia. 

So, now our focus turns from the travel to tomorrow...

Tomorrow.  The day when we will see Sadie for the first time in 5 months.  
Tomorrow.  The day when we will meet her birth mom face to face.  
Tomorrow.  The day that we will walk out the door with our girl in our arms, taking her away from everything she has ever known - be it good or bad - and carry her into a very scary place.  A place filled with strangers who speak a funny language, smell strange, eat weird foods and smile through it all like nothing is out of the ordinary.  
Tomorrow.  The day Sadie's world will be changed forever.

The magnitude of it all isn't lost on me.  In fact, it has me pondering God's plans in the deepest of ways.  Why are we taking a girl away from her birth mother?  Why did He choose us for this particular child and this particular task?  

It seems too hard.  Too sad.  There will be too many emotions.  Can we be Jesus to these people?  In the short period of time that we will see them tomorrow, can we REALLY show them God's love in a tangible way?  It seems impossible.  

...On this side of Monday, on this side of the week,we're wondering "How in the world?" -- How in the world can we possibly do what we need to do, how in the world can we possibly get through what's ahead of us,how in the world can we possibly have enough strength, enough wisdom, enough hope, enough BRAVE, to do the hard things that are staring us down right now wearing their disguise of 'IMPOSSIBLE.'But the One who is your one Solid Friend, who is from beyond the walls of this world, the One who's got your back?He won't let you take one step into Monday before He's already there.He won't let you take one step through even one door this week that He hasn't already gone through & is waiting right there to help you.He won't let you take even one step up any mountain this week without first clearing a path for your feet, & taking your brave hand, & giving courage to your heart. He won't abandon you this week, He absolutely refuses to stop carrying you this week, and He won't let you give way to fear because *He's got you.**Fears lives wherever we forget...*And we refuse to forget this week that *He's got us.* - Ann Voskamp

He's already walking before us.  He has an eternal plan - one that so much bigger, greater, and more abundantly wonderful than all I could think or imagine.  He knows that tomorrow will hurt.  He knows just what it will feel like for Sadie's birth mom, her foster mom, and Sadie herself.  He knows...because He hurt.  The day His Son was ripped away on Calvary, He hurt.  And, He will walk before us this week, making us brave - all of us.  Going before us as we fight for what is best for a little girl - all of us fighting together - to make this child all that God created her to be!

Cocooning...

Attachment and Cocooning.  These are terms that I wasn't very familiar with until the past 6 or 8 months.  As we've walked deeper and deeper into this adoption, I've learned more about the mental and emotional damage that is done to a child who is abandoned or passed from care giver to care giver.   With the reality of bringing Sadie home looming over us, we are realizing that there are serious months ahead that need to be handled with care.  We have been learning, researching, discussing, and planning.

By the time Sadie comes home, we will be her fourth care givers.  She lived for 9 months in her biological mom's womb.  She was given up shortly after birth and placed in an orphanage for 22 months.  She was then placed with her foster mom where she has lived for 18 months.  Though she has been treated very, very well (as far as we have seen and been told), being passed from one care giver to another causes confusion, even in a child so young.

By God's design, babies begin the process of attachment right after birth by snuggling into their Mama and breast feeding.  From the very first, the Mama is able to give her child the message that she is there to provide warmth, comfort, and nourishment.  Parents continue the process of attachment as they cuddle, murmur to the baby, rock or bounce him, and sing lullabies.  All of these sweet moments add up to a child who is firmly grounded in the knowledge that he or she has a Mom and Dad who are there to provide for his/her needs.

Now, three years and 4 months later, we are to begin the process of teaching Sadie that we are the ones who will love her, care for her and meet her needs for the rest of her life.  This will take time and an effort to be intentional in all that we do over the next several months and even years.

Cocooning is a term that means creating a barrier around the child so that their world is as small, predictable and simple as possible.  With all the change that comes with an adoption, creating a safe haven for the child in which they can learn about their new life is vital.  Routine becomes incredibly important and comforting.  Limiting outings (even to the store and church), limiting guests, limiting stimulation are all ways of creating a cocoon that is safe for the child.  Then, within that cocoon, within those boundaries, the child can begin to learn who Mama and Daddy are; that they are there to provide comfort, nourishment, protection and love.

Andrew and I have decided to provide Sadie with this cocoon.  Adoption experts have said that attachment generally takes 6 weeks to 3 months.  Some kids take a shorter amount of time, some much, much longer.  Of course, the process will continue long after the 3 months are up, but the foundation will be laid for the beginning of a healthy relationship.

After much thought and discussion, we have decided to invite all friends and family to a "Sip and See" on the Monday after we return from Bulgaria to allow the opportunity for loved ones to meet our sweet girl.  After that, we will be greatly restricting guests, outings and activity.  We will simplify life, spend time together as a family only, and get to know Sadie as she gets to know us.  We will cuddle, sing, play games, read books.  I will plan on keeping Sadie home from church for several weeks.

Through all of this, we will watch our daughter for signs - signs that will show that she is attaching and bonding to us.  We'll be looking for her to reach for us if she gets hurt, ask us for something to eat or drink, snuggle into us and fall asleep, check in when she's playing independently just to be sure we're there.  These are all good signs.  As these signs become more and more present, we will begin to ease up on the cocooning.  We'll slowly begin taking baby steps back into our "normal" life.  We'll take her to church (but might sneak in, sit in the back, and slip out the first time).  We'll try a short, 15 minute trip to the grocery store.  We'll take a walk to the park, play for a few minutes, then walk back.  As we see her doing well with the baby steps, we'll begin to expand her horizons by bringing her to church on Wednesday nights, taking her to dinner with friends, or taking longer shopping trips.

We pray that our actions and decisions in this cocooning/attachment phase will not hurt the feelings of those we love.  We WANT you to know her and hug her, to kiss her and hold her.  Just not yet.  If she learns to attach well to us, if she identifies us as her Mama and Daddy - as the ones she seeks out above all others - then she will be able to have richer, deeper, more meaningful relationships for the rest of her life.  In learning to attach to us, she will be learning to attach properly to others.

And, so we thank you for your patience.  We ask for your prayers - that God would give us a beautiful bond with this little girl and she with us.  When you do see her in church or out and about, please don't be afraid to say "hello" and greet her warmly.  While we don't want others holding, hugging or kissing her for a few months, we do welcome high fives and sweet words, smiles and laughter.  You are a huge part of her life and, little by little, she will know you and will shine her bright light into your lives.  This cocoon will be spun and we will be in it for a short time.  Our hope and prayer is that when she emerges, she will be a beautiful butterfly with wings that are ready to fly in to the waiting arms of all those that love her!

A little eye candy to start your week!

The beds have been painted with my first ever attempt at chalk paint.  The walls have been touched up.  Quilts have been sewn, pillows made and embroidered, and pictures hung on the walls.  Clothes have been organized.  A frame has been fitted with chicken wire to hold the plethora of bows and an oatmeal container has been transformed into a headband holder.  We've added touches of pink, hung dresses, and placed a sweet doll on Sadie's bed.  We are ready now.  Ready to have two peas in a pod in their little green room with the tiny beds!  

The count down begins!

We are so excited to announce that we have travel dates!!  We will be traveling to Bulgaria...

May 9 - 16!!

Exactly one month from today, on May 11th, we will drive to Sadie's town and pick her up from her foster mom and take her for her medical appointment.  Our Embassy appointment will be May 14th and we will pick up Sadie's visa on May 15th.  We will fly out EARLY in the morning on May 16th and arrive in Orlando around 5:40pm!

31 days.  31 days until a new life begins.  For us.  For Sadie.  For John, Joseph and Luke.   I want time to slow down, to stop, so that I can enjoy every last moment as a family of five - savoring my boys as they are now.  I want to protect them from the hardships that are likely to arrive along with Sadie.

And then, I want time to speed up, for the days to fly by, so that I can hold my daughter in my arms.  I want to kiss her cheeks, hug her neck, snuggle her and rock her to sleep.  I'm dying for that moment when we walk through the door and introduce her to the boys.  I want to see how they interact with her and she with them.  I want to watch her become more and more comfortable with us, with this house, with her new life.

Yet, I am nervous about those moments when she's grieving her lost life, upset because she can't communicate with these strange new people, is tired but not comfortable enough with us to go to sleep.  I won't know her like I know my boys - I won't know how to comfort her, what makes her calm down, what settles her aching heart.

I am excited, scared, nervous, and so very anxious.  The Lord says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything - through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving - present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:6.  So, to pass the days and to calm this anxious heart, we are going to turn to the Lord in prayer.  Each day at dinner, one of us will draw a slip of paper from this basket.

 We will pray through the cards and when they are all gone, it will be time to leave for our trip!  Would you pray with us, as we go through this month?  Pray for Sadie, the biological mom, the foster mom.

Pray for John, Joseph and Luke as they adjust to having a new sister in the mix.  Pray, especially, for Luke.  He'll be sharing a room with Sadie as well as sharing my arms - which he loves to be in.  I think that the adjustment will be the hardest on him.  We need lots of prayer in this area!

Please pray for Grammy and Grandpa as they keep the boys, for safety, for energy and for good rest through the nights.  Please pray for Andrew and me - we need wisdom, patience, and guidance.  This trip is going to be an emotional roller coaster and I know we will need God's hand on us every minute of the trip.

31 days.  So short and, yet, so long.  We're coming, baby girl!  Soon and very soon!

It is with great joy that we introduce our daughter...

Sadie Caroline Shoger

Born January 27, 2012

Adopted March 31, 2015

This sweet, beautiful, vibrant, happy child is no longer an orphan.  She is a daughter, sister, grandchild, niece, and friend.  She is loved beyond measure, forever and ever and always!

Step by step, we are walking toward our sweet girl!

Hi, friends!!  It's time for an update because things are moving and grooving!  Hip hip hooray!!  Last Monday, we received word that our dossier (all of our official paperwork for the adoption) had been signed by the Minister of Justice in Bulgaria and was sent on to court.  We had been waiting 7 long weeks for this news, so it was greatly celebrated!  The very next day, we received an email that our court date had been set for March 31st!  This is the day that the judge will look at all of our paperwork, with our adoption agency's lawyer present, and will grant (or not) legal adoption of Sadie to us.  If the judge decides not to, it will be because more paperwork is needed.  If the judge grants us the adoption, Sadie will legally be our child forevermore!

So, we wait with excitement, joy and a little trepidation for one week from today - the day, Lord willing, we will officially become the parents of a beautiful little girl with a little something "extra!"  Would you join us in praying?  For the judge to be generous in granting us the desire of our hearts, for the paperwork to be complete and in order, and for all to go smoothly and well?

After the adoption is granted, there is a 7 day waiting period before the adoption is finalized and then a 3 to 5 day period in which the court decree is obtained.  After the court decree is in hand, the adoption agency will apply for Sadie's birth certificate and start looking at travel dates for our pick up trip!  Most likely we will travel sometime at the end of April or beginning of May, but we likely won't know the dates for sure until mid April.  Our trip to Bulgaria will be somewhere between 7 and 12 days.  If the social workers who are working with Sadie agree to take her to Sofia to get her passport done early, we will be able to do the shorter trip.  We are hoping and praying that they will generously agree so that we won't have to be away from the boys for quite so long!

Over the next month, I will be buying last minute things that we need for the trip, putting the finishing touches on Luke and Sadie's room (it's getting more and more "girly" in there!!), fitting in as much school with the boys as I possibly can, and packing!!  It's going to be a full and exciting month.  We are filled with emotions that range from sheer joy to nervous anticipation.  Our life is about to dramatically change and, as much as we are preparing for it, there are just some things that we will have to take one day at a time.

We covet your prayers!  For us and for Sadie during the transition, that attachment would be smooth and that she would meld in to our family beautifully, for her birth mom who is about to say a final "good bye" to her child, for her foster mom who has graciously devoted a year and a half of her life to raising our girl, for the week to 12 days in Bulgaria where we will truly get to know Sadie, for the airplane ride home, and for the boys as they adjust to life with a sister.  So much to pray for, but what good news it is to hear that, "All things are possible with God!"

Thank you for walking this journey with us, friends.  We would not be at this place, so near to the end of the adoption journey and so close to the beginning of a new life, had it not been for you.  This child is not just coming into a new family, but is coming into a community filled with love.  Because of you, I believe that God will use her in mighty ways for His kingdom and His glory!